Caravan Sonnet: Notes from the Porch (twenty-six): starting the third fall

9/19/14

Notes from the Porch (twenty-six): starting the third fall

Time is a very funny thing isn't it? When we are experiencing "good times" in life time seems to "fly" and we can never get enough of it and yet when we encounter hardships we often are surprised at how long something lasts. 
And sometimes... well sometimes life is a mixture of both. 
And for me, that is what starting the third fall feels like. It is the third fall since I have moved home to my parents house suspecting that I was dealing with more than "just" CFS/ME and Fibromyalgia. It is the third fall since my entire digestive system started to crash and I needed IV nutrients. It is the third fall since I gave up my independence, moved back home into my parents home, and then eventually (in the winter) became unable to walk with no explanation. It is the third fall away from the job that I loved (teaching). It is the third fall that I have experienced extreme illness and pain. It is the third fall that I will spend time in a city that I grew up in but don't have close friends in because I am to ill to put effort into relationships. It is the third fall that I am completely reliant on my parents, family, and friends for help in a variety of ways (including financial resources).
It is the third fall that many people would classify as a time that has been horrendous and as one person said to me yesterday, "I bet you will be glad to close the chapter on this season of your life". Hmmm... yes and no. You see... something changed this year. When I wrote that post about delighting in the ordinary in June I meant what I said. There had been a "change in the wind" throughout the Spring in my heart. Instead of saying "I want this to end... (or) I want this time to be over" I found myself begging the Lord for healing and yet asking for continued wisdom -specifcally in how He would use me right now. I was able to come to terms with my wishing for the past and accepting the present and the future. I found the truth of the verse "Godliness with Contentment is Great Gain". I found myself wrestling with the Lord in prayer in new ways- and learning to trust in new ways. I have been so delighted to be apart of encouraging others who are hurting through SEEN Gathering. And I have found that while many people in circumstances like this abandon their faith I have fallen more in love with my Savior each day and am so excited to encourage others to find their hope in Jesus too. 
It is the third fall of spending hundreds of hours with the Lord in prayer in bed because I am to weak to even sit up. It is the third fall of seeing the Lord provide for me daily on this journey - emotionally, physically, spiritually. It is the third fall of seeing who my friends are who are willing walk the dark and difficult roads. It is the third fall of being overwhelmed by the love of my parents, sister, and grandmother in this journey. It is the third fall of learning who I am in Christ in a whole new way. It is the third fall of this fight... a fight that still has a while to go.
Thank you so much for your prayers for wisdom and for the trip out to California. The Lord blessed the trip and so many prayers were answered and I am so incredibly grateful for each and every prayer. There were smooth flights with no issues, kind people who helped me in a variety of different ways, and a wonderful medical team that had a wonderful plan for the next steps in treatment. (As I have mentioned several times here on the blog I have chosen to keep many details private and I appreciate your kind understanding and respect of this.) At this time because my GI system is handling antibiotics we have decided to do a "season" of full-blown antibiotics (continuing with my supplements, herbs, oils, etc. that I already use and adding a few new ones). For a variety of different things I will be slowly adding in six new antibiotics to my treatment plan (which is in addition to the numerous ones that I am already currently on) over the next few weeks. I was nervous when I received this plan as we all know that I have had an extremely difficult time with medications these last few years, but I also know that my medical team knows what they are doing and has the best plan for what is going on.  Remember when I picked the word "valor" for this year? I think the Lord was preparing my heart for this intense fight. *smiles* 

I am not going to lie. The start has been incredibly difficult. If we are connected on instagram then you know that I alluded to the fact that things have been difficult (especially since my acute infection in August) and today shared that I had a severe reaction to one of the medications and have been completely bedridden since last week (not even able to sit up). These days have been painful, long, and quite difficult.  And yet, this is the battle. The battle to get well and to fight to beat these diseases. I well up with tears though at the goodness of the Lord. I have a wonderful doctor and medical team and they are fighting this journey with me. I have amazing parents who lavish love and encouragement on me. I have a beautiful sister who is supportive and encouraging and runs races in my name. I have a lovely grandmother who spends hours upon hours in prayer for me. I have sweet friends who have never walked away and have supported me whole-heartedly in this journey. One day at a time friends (and sometimes one minute at a time) we will take this fight. The Lord is with me. He continues to provide wisdom and direction- even as recently as the end of the last week as bloodwork came in and we learned some new news. Surprising to me but not to the Lord. He is NEVER surprised by any of this. And friends, "There will be a lovely ending to this story of frustration, something worth all it has cost." (Amy Carmichael) 
So I continue on this new treatment plan as I start the third fall. A fall that will be filled with different plans then I originally thought (NO ONE - including my doctors thought I would be able to handle oral antibiotics several months ago! WHAT AN ANSWER TO PRAYER!!) and filled with a battle of a lifetime for me. A fall that will not include a trip out to Whitaker Wellness Institute for oxygen and vitamin c (like I originally planned) because I need to stay closer to my family for help at this point in time. A fall that I have changed the "go fund me page" to reflect my monthly expenses with hyperbaric oxygen (soft covered) and the other costs that we spend each month right now just on my medical treatment. A fall that I know the Lord will provide for me again- in miraculous ways. A fall of trusting the Lord who knows my heart and knows the way I will go. A fall filled with days of falling more in love with my Savior. 

If you read my post on instagram today then you saw that I posted the following verses. And friends, truly they are the perfect verses to memorize here for this third fall: 

"The people who survived the wars have found favor in the desert. The LORD appeared to me in a faraway place and said, “I love you with an everlasting love. So I will continue to show you my kindness. Once again I will build you up, and you will be rebuilt, my dear people Israel. Once again you will take your tambourines, and you will go dancing with happy people. Once again you will plant..." 
-Jeremiah 31:2-5-

Once again dear friends... once again I am starting the third fall looking to the Lord and His love and knowing that He will have the best in mind. What a good and amazing God He is. 
Thank you so much for all of your continued prayers for me on this journey. Every single day I see the answers to each of them in a thousand different ways. Please keep praying and thank you so much for all of your love and support on this journey. 

With lots of love friends, 

11 comments:

  1. Praying for you Rebecca! There are so many things I want to say but I can't put it into words right now. Hugs to you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sheryl, Thank you so much for all of your prayers. You have been such a blessing to me on this journey! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and encourage me today!
      :) Hugs!
      :) Rebecca

      Delete
  2. I never read your blog but followed it. you are such a beautiful person! I love some of same things you do. I am praying you will be healed 100% .I always though that we are exactly where we need to be if we don't regret bad things but see how hey can be used for God. just remember God doesn't send disease because he is good. He loves you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nadya thank you so much for your incredible kind comment and for following my blog and then for also taking the time to not only read this post but to leave such an incredibly kind comment. What a blessing you have been! Thank you so much for your prayers and for your encouragement! Truly God is the HEALER of all diseases and why He has allowed this at this time in my life, I know that it is not a surprise to Him but even in this He has a plan. Thank you again for your encouragement and for taking the time to comment!
      Many Blessings,
      Rebecca

      Delete
  3. Your heart is so inspiring. Many people would fall into a valley and never look up at the beauty surrounding them. Your continued trust in sweet Jesus is something I am certain brings His heart smiles. Your love for Him throughout this journey inspires me to look around at the beauty He provides every single day.
    Reading this post reminds me of something a friend of ours wrote a few years ago. His wife had been diagnosed with breast cancer and he was in pain watching his bride suffer through the treatments. He wrote that while he did not understand why it was happening, he was grateful to God for being with them. He trusted that He was teaching their hearts more about His love and protection. He then stated that he would see their circumstances as an honor and a platform for loving God and showing His great faithfulness in times of terrible trials.
    May this third fall bring you peace and healing. May your sweet Creator hold you in His loving arms as you encounter each day.
    Love to you beautiful lady and daughter of Christ-

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marci,
      It is hard to express in words how much your post comment (and your AMAZING etsy comment!!) meant to me!! Sometimes in this journey it feels that I am "doing nothing" and that sharing my story is more of an annoyance than anything. It is SO hard to express in adequate words the depth of gratitude that I have to God for His mercy and kindness in this journey. TRULY I am so humbled by Him. And sometimes I feel that I fumble with my words. Your comment was such an encouragement and reminded me to keep sharing my story even when I feel like my words are so inadequate! Thank you so much for speaking such lovely and encouraging truth into my life! I have been SO blessed by you!!!You have truly influenced my life!
      Thank you again SO much,
      Rebecca :)

      Delete
  4. Thank you for sharing this beautiful memoir of your "third Fall". It was a joy to read because of your inspiring faith in the Lord. I love you Rebecca, you shine in this world! xoxo Katie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for your encouragement about the post Katie! Very sweet of you to say!
      :) Rebecca

      Delete
  5. I follow your blog but never stopped by and read it. I'm praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Judy, Thank you so much for your comment and for all of your prayers! I truly appreciate them during this time!
      Blessings,
      Rebecca

      Delete
  6. Dear Lady! You are a shining light of the Character of Christ being formed through suffering - and flashing that lovely smile of yours with a wink - knowing God's purposes are greater than your comfort zones, and in THAT wisdom - you are well . . . very well, indeed. The lovely sea and air images are glorious with inspiration - always looking UP! And, I did check out your Etsy and was blessed to see you are able to pour yourself out in the visual arts - blessing others in your gifts. I love mixed media and do tags and canvas when I can, but of late it's all about launching my publishing company and getting my decades of performance storytelling off the stage and onto the page. Hope you'll visit and see how restful life in Fable Springs can be - and inspiring. May you be blessed at the prospect of Mother Chicken's Eggs - http://youtu.be/l4P2CNAqAf0
    Joy!
    Kathy

    ReplyDelete