Showing posts with label Cancer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cancer. Show all posts
Five years ago (and 10 days) my life as I knew it changed. It was 6 weeks after I had received the diagnosis of Advanced Late Stage Lyme Disease, the day after I had received several additional health diagnosis' & I was sitting alone in a doctors office thousands of miles away from my family, hearing the devastating news that I had Cancer. Alone & very scared I was told that I would need immediate surgery & chemo & there were questions that this may have been the issue all along. Surgery would tell all.
.
The next three days were filled with lots of scans, tests & tears & the surgery. Beautifully, (while I still needed treatment) the prognosis wasn't as dire as originally thought & my surgeon declared that a miracle. I went to bed grateful yet overwhelmed as the doctors words of "the next five years will tell the story of your journey with skin cancer...it will be an absolute miracle if you heal" ringing in my ears..
.
I think back to that day 5 years ago feeling hopeless & scared & not knowing the road and journey that was to come. .
.
But Friday morning I left the doctor for my 5 year scan grateful & overwhelmed with emotion as I received incredible news that what I was told 5 years ago would be impossible & a miracle: I am officially Cancer FREE...I spoke with the surgeon from all those years ago recently (to thank them) & was told "I don't often witness the miracle stories but you are one".
.
This journey may still have a ways to go in regards to total healing, but this is a beautiful victory, with lots of rejoicing, lots of laughter & hugs, & doctors encouraging words & celebrations.
.
Every serious illness journey is filled with hundreds of people who play such important & key roles in it. Words could never describe the gratitude I continue to have for each of you that are walking this difficult road with me.
.
The next three days were filled with lots of scans, tests & tears & the surgery. Beautifully, (while I still needed treatment) the prognosis wasn't as dire as originally thought & my surgeon declared that a miracle. I went to bed grateful yet overwhelmed as the doctors words of "the next five years will tell the story of your journey with skin cancer...it will be an absolute miracle if you heal" ringing in my ears..
.
I think back to that day 5 years ago feeling hopeless & scared & not knowing the road and journey that was to come. .
.
But Friday morning I left the doctor for my 5 year scan grateful & overwhelmed with emotion as I received incredible news that what I was told 5 years ago would be impossible & a miracle: I am officially Cancer FREE...I spoke with the surgeon from all those years ago recently (to thank them) & was told "I don't often witness the miracle stories but you are one".
.
This journey may still have a ways to go in regards to total healing, but this is a beautiful victory, with lots of rejoicing, lots of laughter & hugs, & doctors encouraging words & celebrations.
.
Every serious illness journey is filled with hundreds of people who play such important & key roles in it. Words could never describe the gratitude I continue to have for each of you that are walking this difficult road with me.
Thank you to those of you who have given financially in the past to help me get to where I am & to those of you who continue to pray. Your support, your encouragement, & your love are priceless gifts in this journey.
Thank you for weeping with me when I weep, & for rejoicing with us in this beautiful news today.
As some of you are aware and many may remember from my last "Notes from the Porch" update this past month has been an extremely difficult one for me with my health. After seeing so much progress and huge leaps forward this year this past month has brought some steps backwards that have been hard and very difficult.
Over the last several weeks I have been struggling with a severe reaction to one of my main treatment meds, have had a reaction to another part of my treatment plan which sidelined me to being primarily bedridden, have had to change 6 different meds including a change yesterday, developed two different infections, have dealt with a lot of pain and sickness and have been struggling with severe fatigue and dizzziness/vertigo and have cried numerous tears. My poor little body needs prayers.
Today I have a phone appointment with my main medical team and I would covet prayers for wisdom for this appointment. I would also covet prayers for strength and a miraculous rebound as I have a very special trip coming up in 12 days. Thank you for all of your prayers friends, for your sweet encouragement, and your love. You are such an incredible blessing on this journey.
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength."
In my mind I had already lived through a season of being told before by doctors that "there was no hope" and they had been proved wrong so why wouldn't this time be any different?I decided to push tears aside, buck up and fight with all that was in me.
I had absolutely no idea what the journey ahead would look like.
Fast forward to 48 months later, over 35,000 miles of travel (to meet with close to 400 doctors and receive a variety of different treatments), countless invasive testing (that were not pleasant), 16 hospital stays, 1012 doctors visits (1014 if you count the ones that are going to happen today and tomorrow), hundreds of IV's, 17 claustrophobic (which I never knew I was) hard covered hyberbaric oxygen treatments, 34 soft-covered hyberbaric oxygen treatments, 200 detox baths later, venturing into the land of "health fears", receiving several life-altering diagnosis' (including IBD, Sojourn's, Severe Anemia, Advanced Late -Stage Lyme , and finally learning I had Cancer -when I was thousands and thousands of miles away from my family), being told by several major and very well-known hospitals that they "just were not sure what to do with the complexity of my case", becoming bed-ridden and housebound at 33 years old, leaving a job that I loved to pursue a dream (going for additional graduate work) and having both things shattered (and being told by twenty-three different doctors: "we just don't see you ever being well enough to hold a full-time job"), having several friends walk away in the midst of this difficult journey, receiving precious gifts that I could never have afforded, being told on at least six different occasions that "if I just had more faith I would be better", dealing with the emotional aspects of being seriously ill, trying hundreds of different supplements, vitamins, and essential oils, being able to walk again (on my own), being blown away by generosity of friends and strangers in this journey, surviving several severe anaphylactic reactions to different medicines and finally sometimes admitting that the "courage" to continue each day and hour wanes and instead I just take "one minute at a time".
And in the midst of all that I just listed there have been tears. Lots and lots of tears. And I have learned something very important. There is actually health benefits to healing tears. Crying actually helps your body! There are times when I will let myself cry for a few minutes over bad news or good news. There are times when things are very difficult and I recognize once again the benefit to healing tears. I am not saying to spend each and everyday crying, but spending a few moments releasing tears helps our bodies in unique ways. So what are these benefits? Here are just a few:
(1) Tears reduce stress hormones.
(2) A biochemist and"tear expert" - Dr. William Frey (who works in Minneapolis at the Ramsey Medical Center) found that: "emotional tears shed hormones and other toxins which accumulate during stress".
(3) Crying stimulates the production of endorphins.
(4) (this one shocked me!)- Tears actually kill bacteria! I know I couldn't believe it either! I was shocked but I learned that tears contain a fluid called "lysozyme" which helps kill 90 to 95% of all bacteria. In JUST FIVE to TEN minutes!! WOW!
(5) Stephen Sideroff, who is a clinical psychologist at UCLA (and who is also the director of the Raoul Wallenberg Institute of Ethics) says that "crying activates the body in a healthy way".
(6) Crying lowers your manganese levels.
(7) Suppressing your tears can actually irritate and contribute to additional health problems that are caused by stress. The Japanese culture believes in this so much that they now have "crying clubs". The premise is that having a time to cry will actually benefit and improve your health. (Considering Japan is known to be one of the "healthiest" countries in the world this is a fascinating concept!)
So today if you need to take a few moments to cry- do so! Help your body in these ways above by releasing some of the pent up tears. Do you think that there is benefit to healing tears? I would love to hear your thoughts!
Have a wonderful Thursday y'all!
{Disclaimer: The information included on this site is for educational purposes only. It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. The reader should always consult his or her health care provider to determine the appropriateness of the information for their own situation or if they have any questions regarding a medical condition or treatment plan. Reading the information on this website does not create a physician-patient relationship.}(Additional Disclaimer: this post is not talking about a person who is struggling with depression. If you are struggling with depression then I would highly encourage you to seek out a health professional.)
"The Lord stood at my side and gave me strength."
-2 Timothy 4:17-
I have been staring at my computer screen the last couple of days wondering what to say. I think I felt that if I kept staring some brilliant words would come to me to try and express all of the different emotions and things that we are dealing with, and I still feel so "wordless" so I appreciate your patience in this possibly rambling post.
These past few weeks since having "Courtney the Portney" placed have been a growing and stretching time for my entire family, including myself. After returning from our trip out to California to have "Courtney the Portney" placed and finding out some blood work results, I started in a new treatment round. Unfortunately due to some logistical matters, it came with some bumps in the road. At the same time though this allowed me to start working on taking a variety of different meds and supplements, get adjusted to having a port, find and get situated with who would be taking care of "Courtney the Portney" here at home, and work with the insurance company and five different pharmacies to obtain the main medicine that will comprise this treatment round. (This treatment round is being labeled "treatment round #3" although I am continuously treating Lyme. If you are new around here I have simply nicknamed different rounds #1, #2, #3 when there is a more SERIOUS push and intensity. Someone recently emailed me and asked what I do in my time "off" and nicely suggested that if I wouldn't take time off I would get better more quickly. I laughed, there is absolutely NO time off in Lyme world! *smiles*)
The medicine has been ordered and we are stepping out in major ways of faith that we will be able to pay for it. To give you a figure- the cost of the medicine for a month is $25000. Yes, you read that correctly and yes, that is the correct number of 0's. And that is just for one month. Am I concerned? A bit. Am I worried. Honestly, no. I have seen the Lord provide in miraculous ways and I am trusting that He who brought us to this point will again provide everything we need. Currently we are looking at a three month protocol and while the number of $75,000 PLUS all of the "normal" costs of approximately $15000 a month overwhelm me. I am resting in the fact that the Lord stands by my side and will once again provide just as He always has and always will.
SO treatment round #3- the precursor days started on Friday (while I was in Nebraska) and began a bit rough and on this Friday I will begin the full force of this treatment round. Basically this entails for this treatment round continuing all of my supplements, meds, herbs, oils, alternative treatments, shots, etc. that I am already doing and will be adding in the very expensive medicine (which is about a 4-6 hour IV of meds) every single day. I will do this for 5 weeks and will have a week break off (of just the IV meds) and then will continue for another 7 weeks after that. This intense plan will be difficult on my fragile system but we are also looking forward to the steps forward we will be making in this fight for my health!
This medicine is.... rough. It is difficult. It is scary. It comes with a whole host of side effects that I don't want to think about... and in many ways I wish we could just fast forward the weeks on the calendar till this round is done.
"The Lord stood at my side and gave me strength."
But the truth of I Timothy 4:17 shouts to my little heart and gives me strength. The Lord is by our side. The Lord is the one who gives us strength for the day. He is the lifter of our heads, our strength in the sorrow, and our joy in our pain. He will carry me each step of the way and show up with grace that I haven't even experienced yet.
Thank you so much for your prayers, your encouragement, your love, your messages, your letters and packages that show up at the most perfect God-timing and your continued prayers on this very long journey. In addition to praying for the start of this treatment round, there are a few additional prayer requests that we have:
(1) Prayers for "Courtney the Portney".
(1) Prayers for "Courtney the Portney".
As some of you are aware, we had a bit of a scare with "Courtney the Portney" about 10 days ago, a few days before I left for Nebraska. I would covet prayers that the Lord would protect this port, that it would work completely perfectly (specifically giving blood return, no access issues, etc.) for this upcoming treatment round. This is an area of stress and anxiety for me so I appreciate your prayers for this. One of the doctors appointments I have scheduled (on Monday, the 8th) will be discussing some options in regards to "Courtney the Portney" and we covet prayers for wisdom.
(2) Prayers for Upcoming Doctors Appointments.
Due to the issue with "Courtney the Portney" and some routine doctors appointments, August will be filled with lots of doctors visits. Some of these appointments I am a bit concerned about - and some will have some painful and invasive testing associated with them which is not fun. In the midst of this intense treatment round I am not looking forward to these appointments and yet am grateful for a team of wise doctors. Please cover specifically appointments that will take place on Monday August 8th, Monday August 15th, and Monday, August 29th. Thank you!
(3) For prayers for pain.
(4) For Nausea to be relieved and my appetite to return
This month began year 4 of this journey at home with my parents and this long healing journey. They have been soooo incredibly amazing and I well up with tears at all that they have done for me and to help me get my life back. But being a caretaker is hard even under the best of circumstances and it is draining and exhausting and long and tiring. Would you please pray for them, for strength, for grace, for encouragement, for people to walk along side them, for their needs to be met, for their joy, and for their protection and their own health? Thank you so much.
(6) For Finances to Be Met for all of my Treatment Needs.
(2) Prayers for Upcoming Doctors Appointments.
Due to the issue with "Courtney the Portney" and some routine doctors appointments, August will be filled with lots of doctors visits. Some of these appointments I am a bit concerned about - and some will have some painful and invasive testing associated with them which is not fun. In the midst of this intense treatment round I am not looking forward to these appointments and yet am grateful for a team of wise doctors. Please cover specifically appointments that will take place on Monday August 8th, Monday August 15th, and Monday, August 29th. Thank you!
(3) For prayers for pain.
This treatment round has caused a ton of pain already and I would covet prayers for the removal of this.
(4) For Nausea to be relieved and my appetite to return
This pre-cursor round and this treatment has caused a ton of issues with nausea and sickness and my appetite has been completely wiped out and unfortunately is predicted to stay this way. I am not going to go into details, but would appreciate prayers for this area.
(5) For prayers for my parents.
(6) For Finances to Be Met for all of my Treatment Needs.
I mentioned above the guilt that I feel as a sick gal needing to ask for prayer for this area and yet I know so many of you faithfully cover me in prayer so I do need prayer for this area. If you are interested in financially donating you can find my "Go Fund Me Page" on the left side of the blog and I so appreciate your prayers as I humbly mention this need.
Most of all thank you thank you thank you for your incredible love and prayers that continue to carry me through this journey. I can't tell you how much of a blessing you are and how I see the Lord answer hundreds upon hundreds of daily prayers each and every day. I am reminded by so many of you that we have a God who stands by us and gives us strength. He is so incredibly good. Despite the hard, despite the pain, God's character never changes. Thank you for crying with me friends, rejoicing in the good, and all of your prayers that continue to help carry me each and everyday through the very difficult. You are a blessing that words can not describe,
With Love,
I am so excited to share about the release of my upcoming new book, "When Mercy Beckons" (Embracing Hope and Grace When Life Turns Out Differently Than You Imagined) will be released in the spring of 2017!!!
This book, is a book that is from my heart. This book shares different stories from my life (specifically from the past 8 years of my life, starting when my ex-fiance walked out of our relationship shortly before our wedding through the journey of loosing my independence and health when I was diagnosed with Advanced Late Stage Lyme Disease and Cancer) and the way that the Lord has been so merciful despite very difficult circumstances. My hope and prayer of this very personal book is that it will encourage those going through unimaginably difficult times to see that God is still good despite our circumstances and encourage the reader to embrace hope and grace each day.
It has been a ton of hard work and thousands of hours and it has been the Lord's grace and goodness each step of the way to see this project coming to fruition. Would you pray for me as I finish up the final edits in the coming weeks? My deepest prayer for this project is that people would know of the Lord's bountiful mercy and goodness and that there is hope and grace despite any circumstances they are facing. Specifically I have been praying the words of Isaiah for myself and each person who reads this book:
"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor... to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."
-Isaiah 61:1-3-
Would you pray this too? Thank you so much sweet friends! I hope that you have a wonderful Friday and weekend!!
P.S. If you would like to keep up with updates specific to this book please follow along at the When Mercy Beckons Instagram page which you can find HERE!
It has been a ton of hard work and thousands of hours and it has been the Lord's grace and goodness each step of the way to see this project coming to fruition. Would you pray for me as I finish up the final edits in the coming weeks? My deepest prayer for this project is that people would know of the Lord's bountiful mercy and goodness and that there is hope and grace despite any circumstances they are facing. Specifically I have been praying the words of Isaiah for myself and each person who reads this book:
-Isaiah 61:1-3-
P.S. If you would like to keep up with updates specific to this book please follow along at the When Mercy Beckons Instagram page which you can find HERE!
"The unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!"
-Henry Ward Beecher-
Tis the season to be thankful isn't it? The time of year where our social media sites are flooded with people listing out things that they are thankful for, where friends share their gratitude and where the world seems intent on expressing all of the blessings that they experience everyday. I get it... I honestly do. I think I used to chime in and express all of these things myself... but lately in this hard season of life I have been struggling to find the things that I am thankful for.
A couple of years ago I came across a verse in the book of Psalms that has humbled and encouraged me on this journey. It was from the 26th chapter, verse 3: "For I always have been mindful of your unfailing love § have lived in reliance on your faithfulness." I have read this verse once a month for the past two years and yet this year it hit me differently then it even did last year when I wrote a post about "finding gratitude".
Life is hard. These past eight years have been filled with difficult circumstance after difficult circumstance in my life. Somethings I have shared - like a fiance' who walked out months before our wedding to fighting a couple of diseases (Advanced Late Stage Lyme Disease and Cancer) to shattered dreams to loss and to sickness and pain so great there are days that I have wondered if I will be able to take another breath. And there have been other things in these last 8 years... but many of them are to personal to share on this site.
Just when I feel like I have "caught my breath" and say to myself, "okay, that was the worst it will get" something else seems to happen. This fall has brought its own challenges and heartaches. Life does. Things happen that seem so insurmountable that we think we will never recover or heal and it often seems like there is tragedy at every corner and heartbreak instead of laughter at what our future holds.
As I lay here I am forced to consider again Psalm 26:3. Am I really always mindful of God's unfailing love? And it hits me like a bucket of cold water... if I was... wouldn't I be going beyond viewing some things in my life that I am going through in a different way (like I talked about last year) to actually finding thanksgiving and gratitude in the hard seasons of life?
Just when I feel like I have "caught my breath" and say to myself, "okay, that was the worst it will get" something else seems to happen. This fall has brought its own challenges and heartaches. Life does. Things happen that seem so insurmountable that we think we will never recover or heal and it often seems like there is tragedy at every corner and heartbreak instead of laughter at what our future holds.
Yes, I would.
As I tearfully consider all of this I am forced to not only confront the questions in this waiting time with courage and to use time in this hard season well, but I also find thanksgiving and gratitude showing up in new ways than I could ever have imagined.
I am challenged deep in my soul to go beyond writing lists on social media to writing lists etched deep in my heart of the Lord's goodness and mercy to me each and every day. Psalm 26:3 has shouted deep to my heart about being always mindful of God's love- not just for a season but for each and every day.
And in God I am finding gratitude. Not for a thing, item, or person. But for Him.
I am realizing anew that no matter what else is happening circumstantially in our lives at the end of the day saying "it is well with my soul" is the deepest gratitude we can express, not because of what we experience now but realizing that our thanksgiving and gratitude goes beyond what we see right now to the hope of what is to come:
"On that day it will be said, 'Look, this is our God; we have waiting fr Him, and He has saved us. This is the Lord; we have waited for Him. Let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation."
-Isaiah 25:9-
I am learning that gratitude accepts from God the present and looks towards the future with hope because we are always mindful of His love. Perhaps that is why the woman described in Proverbs 31 could "laugh at the days to come". Her strength (and her dignity) were found in the One who has given us life. What deeper gratitude could there be then to show ultimate trust by laughing at the days to come?
There may not be anything that you can think of to thank Him for or to find good right now in your brokenness and in this hard season that you are experiencing and that is okay friends. BUT I promise as you keep yourself "always mindful" of His love He will show Himself to you more and more. Rest in Him.
As I live mindful of God's unfailing love I am overwhelmed each day by the blessings that the Lord has surrounded me with. My eyes go off of my circumstances and onto His love. I am overwhelmed and humbled by the joy that is found by being mindful of God's love and find myself overwhelmed with gratitude for the hundreds of blessings He gives me each day.
Hold on to His unfailing love and I promise that you will find slowly and surely not only find thanksgiving and gratitude but our merciful God who is tenderly walking with you during this hard season of life.
"Let us acknowledge the Lord, let us press on to acknowledge Him. As surely as the sun rises, He will appear. He will come to us like the winter rains..."
- Hosea 6:3-
Time is a very funny thing isn't it? When we are experiencing "good times" in life time seems to "fly" and we can never get enough of it and yet when we encounter hardships we often are surprised at how long something lasts.
And sometimes... well sometimes life is a mixture of both.
And for me, that is what starting the third fall feels like. It is the third fall since I have moved home to my parents house suspecting that I was dealing with more than "just" CFS/ME and Fibromyalgia. It is the third fall since my entire digestive system started to crash and I needed IV nutrients. It is the third fall since I gave up my independence, moved back home into my parents home, and then eventually (in the winter) became unable to walk with no explanation. It is the third fall away from the job that I loved (teaching). It is the third fall that I have experienced extreme illness and pain. It is the third fall that I will spend time in a city that I grew up in but don't have close friends in because I am to ill to put effort into relationships. It is the third fall that I am completely reliant on my parents, family, and friends for help in a variety of ways (including financial resources).
It is the third fall that many people would classify as a time that has been horrendous and as one person said to me yesterday, "I bet you will be glad to close the chapter on this season of your life". Hmmm... yes and no. You see... something changed this year. When I wrote that post about delighting in the ordinary in June I meant what I said. There had been a "change in the wind" throughout the Spring in my heart. Instead of saying "I want this to end... (or) I want this time to be over" I found myself begging the Lord for healing and yet asking for continued wisdom -specifcally in how He would use me right now. I was able to come to terms with my wishing for the past and accepting the present and the future. I found the truth of the verse "Godliness with Contentment is Great Gain". I found myself wrestling with the Lord in prayer in new ways- and learning to trust in new ways. I have been so delighted to be apart of encouraging others who are hurting through SEEN Gathering. And I have found that while many people in circumstances like this abandon their faith I have fallen more in love with my Savior each day and am so excited to encourage others to find their hope in Jesus too.
It is the third fall of spending hundreds of hours with the Lord in prayer in bed because I am to weak to even sit up. It is the third fall of seeing the Lord provide for me daily on this journey - emotionally, physically, spiritually. It is the third fall of seeing who my friends are who are willing walk the dark and difficult roads. It is the third fall of being overwhelmed by the love of my parents, sister, and grandmother in this journey. It is the third fall of learning who I am in Christ in a whole new way. It is the third fall of this fight... a fight that still has a while to go.
Thank you so much for your prayers for wisdom and for the trip out to California. The Lord blessed the trip and so many prayers were answered and I am so incredibly grateful for each and every prayer. There were smooth flights with no issues, kind people who helped me in a variety of different ways, and a wonderful medical team that had a wonderful plan for the next steps in treatment. (As I have mentioned several times here on the blog I have chosen to keep many details private and I appreciate your kind understanding and respect of this.) At this time because my GI system is handling antibiotics we have decided to do a "season" of full-blown antibiotics (continuing with my supplements, herbs, oils, etc. that I already use and adding a few new ones). For a variety of different things I will be slowly adding in six new antibiotics to my treatment plan (which is in addition to the numerous ones that I am already currently on) over the next few weeks. I was nervous when I received this plan as we all know that I have had an extremely difficult time with medications these last few years, but I also know that my medical team knows what they are doing and has the best plan for what is going on. Remember when I picked the word "valor" for this year? I think the Lord was preparing my heart for this intense fight. *smiles*
I am not going to lie. The start has been incredibly difficult. If we are connected on instagram then you know that I alluded to the fact that things have been difficult (especially since my acute infection in August) and today shared that I had a severe reaction to one of the medications and have been completely bedridden since last week (not even able to sit up). These days have been painful, long, and quite difficult. And yet, this is the battle. The battle to get well and to fight to beat these diseases. I well up with tears though at the goodness of the Lord. I have a wonderful doctor and medical team and they are fighting this journey with me. I have amazing parents who lavish love and encouragement on me. I have a beautiful sister who is supportive and encouraging and runs races in my name. I have a lovely grandmother who spends hours upon hours in prayer for me. I have sweet friends who have never walked away and have supported me whole-heartedly in this journey. One day at a time friends (and sometimes one minute at a time) we will take this fight. The Lord is with me. He continues to provide wisdom and direction- even as recently as the end of the last week as bloodwork came in and we learned some new news. Surprising to me but not to the Lord. He is NEVER surprised by any of this. And friends, "There will be a lovely ending to this story of frustration, something worth all it has cost." (Amy Carmichael)
So I continue on this new treatment plan as I start the third fall. A fall that will be filled with different plans then I originally thought (NO ONE - including my doctors thought I would be able to handle oral antibiotics several months ago! WHAT AN ANSWER TO PRAYER!!) and filled with a battle of a lifetime for me. A fall that will not include a trip out to Whitaker Wellness Institute for oxygen and vitamin c (like I originally planned) because I need to stay closer to my family for help at this point in time. A fall that I have changed the "go fund me page" to reflect my monthly expenses with hyperbaric oxygen (soft covered) and the other costs that we spend each month right now just on my medical treatment. A fall that I know the Lord will provide for me again- in miraculous ways. A fall of trusting the Lord who knows my heart and knows the way I will go. A fall filled with days of falling more in love with my Savior.
If you read my post on instagram today then you saw that I posted the following verses. And friends, truly they are the perfect verses to memorize here for this third fall:
"The people who survived the wars have found favor in the desert. The LORD appeared to me in a faraway place and said, “I love you with an everlasting love. So I will continue to show you my kindness. Once again I will build you up, and you will be rebuilt, my dear people Israel. Once again you will take your tambourines, and you will go dancing with happy people. Once again you will plant..."
-Jeremiah 31:2-5-
Once again dear friends... once again I am starting the third fall looking to the Lord and His love and knowing that He will have the best in mind. What a good and amazing God He is.
Thank you so much for all of your continued prayers for me on this journey. Every single day I see the answers to each of them in a thousand different ways. Please keep praying and thank you so much for all of your love and support on this journey.
With lots of love friends,
On this weekend that we remember so many who have paid the ultimate sacrifice for our country, it seems fitting to honor them by recognizing and honoring those in our daily lives who constantly sacrifice for us.
As a former history teacher I fell in love with the true story of Irena Sendler, a young woman who ultimately ended up saving 2500 children out of the Warsaw Ghetto (and from the death camp Treblinka) during World War II. She is a hero of mine as her story is one of courage, sacrifice, wisdom, and nobility.(If you don't know her story you can click HERE to read it!) During the course of teaching I used to show the Hallmark version of her story entitled, "The Courageous Heart of Irena Sendler". At the end of the movie one of the youngest children that she saved (a baby in a toolbox drilled with holes smuggled out of the ghetto) told her that she was a hero to not only her but to the other thousands of children that she saved. Despite spending over eight months being brutally beaten, almost killed, losing friends & family, and eventually (rescued from death and then separated from her mom who was dying) spending years in hiding until the war was over, Irena gently disagreed and shared how the heroes of the story were the mothers. The mothers who gave up their children, even though their own death seemed imminent. The mothers who never were reunited with their children (due to death or inability to be reconnected).The mothers who trusted a stranger to smuggle their children out of ghetto and to be given to other strangers. The mothers who knew that they would never see their children again. The mothers who recognized that instead of their love it would be anothers who would guide their children. And then it was the other mothers who not only took incredible risk to themselves and their own biological children in taking in a Jewish child. The other mothers who sacrificed rations of food, clothing, basic needs and necessities for a child that they didn't know. It was the other mothers who cared for, held, fed, wiped the tears of, rocked to sleep, fell in love with, and fully adopted each child that they were given. And it was the other mothers who then understood the gift of sacrificial love of the biological mothers for at the end of the war (almost 4-6 years later) the other mothers had to give up these children they loved as their own to any remaining and surviving biological family members.
A mothers sacrifice is always a gift of love. 
Whether it is a sacrifice that involves giving the gift of life through birth or giving up the child that you bore to be raised by another couple through adoption. Sacrifice that says I will give up my own dreams and plans of career to stay at home to make this person my dreams and plans. Or the sacrifice of a sweet mama who works to give her child the best at the cost of herself. Or the sacrifice of a mom loving extravagantly each and everyday to infants and toddlers when no one is watching. Maybe it is the sacrifice that gives a persons "best years" to sitting behind a wheel driving a child to each appointment and school function or just "another" birthday party. Or sacrifice of "being uncool" as a mom who holds steadfast in discipline because she knows that being "cool" for the moment might allow her to lose the opportunity to give sound instruction for the future. Or maybe it is a sacrifice to lose a little extra sleep to give a listening ear, to mend a shirt, or to just take the time to wipe tears or give a comforting hug.
Whether it is a sacrifice that involves giving the gift of life through birth or giving up the child that you bore to be raised by another couple through adoption. Sacrifice that says I will give up my own dreams and plans of career to stay at home to make this person my dreams and plans. Or the sacrifice of a sweet mama who works to give her child the best at the cost of herself. Or the sacrifice of a mom loving extravagantly each and everyday to infants and toddlers when no one is watching. Maybe it is the sacrifice that gives a persons "best years" to sitting behind a wheel driving a child to each appointment and school function or just "another" birthday party. Or sacrifice of "being uncool" as a mom who holds steadfast in discipline because she knows that being "cool" for the moment might allow her to lose the opportunity to give sound instruction for the future. Or maybe it is a sacrifice to lose a little extra sleep to give a listening ear, to mend a shirt, or to just take the time to wipe tears or give a comforting hug.
For as long as I can remember my mom has always lived a sacrificial life for her children. I saw it every single day as I grew up and as an adult child moving back into my parents house I continue to see it. It was there in the countless prayers and long talks throughout my most formative years and it continues in the everyday moments now. It is never easy to have a sick child and then to compound having an adult sick child comes with a whole unique set of "rules". It involves navigating deep water and giving opinions and mothering and yet leaving the final decision up to someone else. It means fighting for your child's health and yet recognizing that they are not a child but an adult. It means recognizing that the dreams and plans that you had for your child are radically different then the reality. It means giving a hug when the tears flow not from a scraped knee but from a broken heart. It means recognizing that the gift of a mothers love and sacrifice goes beyond age, beyond a season, and lives forever in ways that one could never imagine.
My mom has shown this time and time again. Throughout all of my life I can clearly point to her life reflecting the Lord's gracious and tender mercies. Throughout the last two years of living at home I can only say that time with my sweet mom has only grown more precious and I have been the humble recipient of sacrificial love.
It has become obvious that in this healing journey I was going to need some additional assistance. My precious dad (who has been unbelievably amazing!) is absolutely wonderful but at this time I really do need some more full time care. And behind the scenes (not telling anyone) I started to pray that my mom might be able to retire. I felt completely selfish in doing so (as I knew that she was working to help pay for a ton of my health care costs) but recognized that as I move forward with my treatment I am going to need more help. So when my parents announced (unexpectedly to me) that my mom would be retiring at the end of this school year there were a lot of tears on my part... gratefulness, humility, and most of all the recognition of a mommy's sacrifice.
My mom is an incredibly gifted teacher and has taught for numerous years and impacted hundreds of students. For the past three years she has been working in a specialized elementary program to help children learn to read. Her heart for children has extended time and time again beyond our family to each child that has walked through her classroom. She has poured love on countless students who do not have a good home life and has given of her self time and time again. I have absolutely no idea how my mom has handled the pressures of a full time position (that was financially needed) so well while also caring for me so perfectly. I am simply amazed at her reliance on the Lord for her daily strength. And for her faith to step out and trust the Lord in this new season.
This sacrifice has shown me anew the meaning of laying down one's life for another. There is nothing "glamorous" about helping out someone behind the scenes who is ill. (Those of you who are caretakers know exactly what I mean!) It is hard, extremely difficult, and filled with lots of incredibly heart-breaking moments. There is no one that is going to give my mom an award or recognize her. But just like every other mom who is working so hard behind the scenes her sacrifice and love is a key to my life.
It seems fitting on this Memorial Day weekend to share this news and to thank my mom publicly for the millions of ways that she has shown God's love throughout my entire life. Memorial Day has always been a time to remember those who have sacrificed for our country and I can't think of a better way to honor those who have fallen than to take a few moments this weekend than to thank those who sacrifice for us daily.
Maybe you want to take a few extra moments to thank our servicemen and women or to thank the military families who have lost someone. Maybe thank someone special in your life for their sacrificial love. Or maybe like me you want to thank a "hidden" hero who continues to sacrifice year after year like my mommy.
I love you mom... thank you so much sacrificing for me and for everything!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
