I wanted to start off by saying a HUGE “thank you” for all of the sweet comments, emails, messages, phone calls, and text messages that I have received since I wrote my blog post on Wednesday, March 20th, 2013. I also wanted to take a moment and address some questions that have been brought to my attention and explain (in a very simplistic way) some things that have been happening in the last several months. After struggling with some health issues for a couple of years I was diagnosed last Winter with ME (myalgic encephalomyelitis) or CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) as it is currently referred to in the United States. Under the care of a WONDERFUL doctor I was able to improve greatly and I am forever indebted to her. As I was improving and looking forward to some amazing graduate school opportunities I chose not to share this information for many many personal reasons with my entire wonderful community. CFS is greatly misunderstood and from my perspective there were lots of people in my world that had much more important things going on that needed more attention. In addition to this as a teacher I didn’t want my students to be worried or concerned about me but wanted to shield and protect them from this news. I am so incredibly grateful for dear friends who shared in my burden at school (and you know who you are specifically) and for those outside of my family who came along side of me and have truly walked some dark days with me.
Early this fall it became very obvious to myself and my family that I was not healing as well as I had hoped or planned and some decisions would need to radically change. I have chosen to not share all of the details but I will suffice it to say that I needed constant help from my parents for each day and it became obvious to many doctors that something was not right. My M.E. doctor recommended a couple of weeks ago that I be tested for several different things and I was recently diagnosed with Post-Chronic Lymes. Lymes is a very difficult disease to understand and treat and I don’t want to burden people with specific issues that I am dealing with but I do covet your prayers and support.
To be frank- my intention was not to share this for a little while as I myself am adjusting to this diagnosis and am searching to find the best doctor and treatment but I had received several emails inquiring about some rumors and I wanted to clarify and answer some questions. While I am struggling with several different issues going on right now I appreciate more than words can say your sweet prayers, your sweet messages, and your sweet showings of love during some extremely difficult and dark days.
While this has been difficult and I will admit that there has been moments of severe discouragement and tears at what I envisioned life would look like this year versus the reality of what life is like I do want to make several things very clear. My faith has not been shaken despite this time of severe testing. I must learn to be faithful in this assignment… one that I certainly never would have asked for but one that I pray will and can still bless and serve my precious Lord and Savior.
Yes, I do have certain fears about the future with my health and there is a deep sadness as I am surrendering in a new way than I ever have had to to my precious Lord. There is a WHOLE new vocabulary that I am having to learn and coming to know… one filled with health jargon that I have never wanted to know nothing about. There are lots of tears. BUT there have also been extraordinary blessings amid the darkness.
I don’t believe that this is an accident, and I don’t believe that this is not “of God”. As Elisabeth Elliot and so many others that have walked difficult days before me have said- we live in a fallen world where all of us- and creation in general- fall short, because of sin, of what God intended for us, and illness and crime and cruelty are just reminders of that “fallenness”. I trust God’s sovereignty over my life and over this world and for our lives and for this sickness. God can HEAL, but in the meantime I trust that even this illness and these problems that I am experiencing may serve HIS good and holy purpose. I pray that through my little life even this situation may encourage others to arouse love and care in others, to inspire people to turn our trust from myself to HIM and maybe in some small (struggling) way maybe spur some to reflect on what is truly important in life. I TRUST that I WILL see the GOODNESS of the Lord in the land of the Living (Psalm 27) and do know that the Lord truly shouts to us in our pain.
I am kept from despair during dark days because I trust that God has specific assignments for us during our lives and that HE uses every moment for HIS glory. Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support. I am beyond blessed by your love in my life!
With lots of love, Rebecca