Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
From the archives...
With Caravan Sonnet turning 11 years old this past year, it is amazing to look back and see all of the things that have taken place during that time. This year, I am re-sharing some of my favorite posts from the 2014 year... it is hard to believe that it is ten years ago. 10 years... a decade...
This post, show up in hope (originally posted in August 2014) has hit me deeply this month... although the circumstances are different- my health is stable and I am healed... I am in a very difficult and private waiting season for several specific areas in life... this post has encouraged me and I pray it will encourage you also today.
Original Post- posted August 4, 2014
Eight and a half years ago I was the recipient of a miracle from the
Lord in the form of healing from what I was told was an incurable disease. After
struggling for years in physical pain and begging the Lord for mercy when the
medical community gave no hope the Lord performed a miracle. Family and friends
cheered joyously as they witnessed their prayers answered. Doctors shook their
heads in amazement when the healing happened muttering, “it must be something
higher that healed you”. People responded with encouragement over my faith and proclaimed the Lord's power. It is a story of joyous victory and of good triumphing
over evil. It is a story that rings with hope in a God who still performs
miracles and of a God who is triumphant over illnesses after “the experts” have
given up hope. It is a story that people love to hear, and one that I have
loved to share over the years. It is a story that makes me well up with tears
at the goodness of the Lord and stand in awe of what He did eight and a half years ago.
But the truth is that I am living a much different story today. I have shared some of it here on the blog but there are many parts that have remained in private. To be truthful the life that
I live now shattered midst ordinary days five years ago when my ex-fiancé
walked out of our relationship a mere five months before we were to be married with no warning. Since then in these past five years my life has crumbled bit by bit by one circumstance to another to finally being diagnosed with Cancer, Advanced Late Stage Lyme disease, an environmental illness and
several other diagnosis'. The combination of the diseases’ listed has
severely affected my life and began one of the most difficult fights of my
life. But while my life shattered my faith in my precious Lord, who is the God of HOPE, has not.
The recovery is long and instead of a planned out future, I am left with
more questions than answers. My aching longings for the future of being married
and being a mom has been placed on hold and instead of my dreams I am left with
questions of life, value, and the God that I so desperately adore. In my little mind it is not the story that shouts the triumph of a
powerful God as I expected the same ending of miraculous healing of eight and a half years
ago. It is not a story that we love to hear, but in this broken world it is a
story that many people live.
We all need to hear the stories of miraculous conquering and
healing to spur us on in hope. These are the stories that scream to us from the
pages of the Bible and the stories that we are quick to reference when bad news
comes to a loved one. But there is a much quieter and powerful story that is
also found deep in the pages of scripture. It is a story of showing up with
hope in the ordinary days lived among the miraculous and victories. It is the
story of living with anticipation that the Lord is still at work when we most
feel He is absent. It is a story that drives us closer to the heart of God as we cry out to Him. I have learned to fall in love with the God who I know does miracles. I have also fallen passionately in love with this same God who has the power to do miracles and sometimes says wait.
"He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow." There are beautiful examples of this in the Bible. One of those is the story of the women who bled for
twelve years from Luke chapter eight. It is a beautiful story of a woman who
must have spent everything that she owned on doctors who had not been able to
help her and yet she still showed up to meet Jesus. With no promise that Jesus
would do anything she pushes her way through the “crowds that almost crushed
Him” and reaches out her hand in desperation and the hope that Jesus could not
only heal but that He would show up.
Friends, if you are struggling through the dark night of
suffering I urge you to hold fast to the story of the woman who was ill and
find hope in the story of the Israelites. Just like that woman, we see in the
book of Exodus that the Israelites held on to the hope that God was still at
work. As they limped out from under the hard yoke of slavery they carried their
tambourines through the long trek of the desert believing that there would
still be a song yet to sing. They didn’t know when the song would come, but
like the woman they pushed through and held onto hope that God would show up.
Despite the fact they had no assurances or promises of what their future would
look like, they walked with their tambourines. They were fully prepared for the celebration that they did not yet have a
time frame for. The celebration that only lay hidden in their hearts as they
walked mile after mile in the desert. The same hope of celebration that the
woman who bled for twelve years was also expecting as she reached out her hand
for Jesus’ cloak.
Dear friends, what about you? Are you ready to show up in Hope? I
have friends who are scattered around the world serving AIDS victims in Africa, fighting for the freedoms of those in the Middle East and some holding crying orphans in the heart of Haiti . Maybe you are like them and
can venture to far off countries to rescue those that the world has abandoned.
Or maybe you can quietly and powerfully write your story by showing up, and
learning like I am to take one day at a time, find beauty in the ordinary, and minister to those that the
world has forgotten. Either way we
can all come to the cross and take His love into our worlds- no matter how big
or small that might seem. Either way we can show up and rejoice that He is going to answer as we step out in
faith and cry out to Him. All we need to do is be ready to rejoice, reach out
for His garments, carry our tambourines, and show up in Hope.
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Looking for past Sunday Scripture Posts? Click HERE!
Hello sweet friends! I shared yesterday with my IG community that each month I am working on memorizing specific portions of Scripture this year. Each passage talks about the Lord creating "rachat" (my word for the year that means "redemption" and "restoration"). For April I am memorizing portions of Psalm 20 (which you can read more about HERE!). These scripture passages, mostly chosen at the beginning of the year, hold even more significance to me now as I think about the coming year and recovering from surgery.
I know that so many of you have kindly requested an update and I so appreciate all of your prayers for surgery. If we are connected on IG or Facebook than you have seen the MARVELOUS MIRACLE that we are rejoicing that there was NO Cancer that was found. Even as I write those words, I still have tears of gratitude to the Lord. Thank you so much for all of your prayers. I am confident that it was the prayers of so many faithful people praying that were answered.
I know that so many of you have kindly requested an update and I so appreciate all of your prayers for surgery. If we are connected on IG or Facebook than you have seen the MARVELOUS MIRACLE that we are rejoicing that there was NO Cancer that was found. Even as I write those words, I still have tears of gratitude to the Lord. Thank you so much for all of your prayers. I am confident that it was the prayers of so many faithful people praying that were answered.
Surgery was though more complex and complicated than we would have hoped and due to this the recovery is SLOW going and will take longer than anticipated. Everyday I am seeing improvements, but I won't lie... these last 13 days have been some of THE most difficult of my life and in this health journey. As some of you are aware some medicine and drugs after surgery caused some complications and I would covet prayers for pain, sickness, and general healing and I would also covet prayers as there are several medical issues that need to be worked out. I would also pray for wisdom as we will be adding a couple of specialists into my team care for some things that we need to address. This last prayer is specific and unique as it takes a special type of doctor who is willing to be a part of such a large medical team and willing to work with the confines and issues that Lyme Disease causes.
I trust though despite these "seeming hurtles" that we have found and what we are dealing with is part of the Lord's beautiful and unique way of answering my desperate prayers for healing. Nothing is by chance when we are serving and following and trusting the Lord and even this may look to be a hurdle, but I know that the Lord is working everything out perfectly. In that is where I trust and rest when my heart starts to become overwhelmed.
I want to say a special word of thanks to each of you that have checked in on me, loved on me, have sent cards and text messages, sent gifts, provided financial provisions, words of encouragement, and phone calls these last several weeks. So many of you have listened and cried with me, laughed and rejoiced, and have gently and specifically reminded me that the Lord is near. I so appreciate those of you that have moved into this time with love and compassion, not giving space, but gently reminding me that I am not alone in this journey, speaking truth and courage to fears and joyfully praying for the future. Each of you are a gift.
Everyday in this journey with my health has felt like a miracle in so many ways, but today I sit and marvel a little more and with overwhelming gratitude. God has been so good, just like He has been every single day of this journey.
"Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them."
-Psalm 126:2-
Time is the most unique thing- isn't it? It is the most precious commodity and often when we are experiencing "good times" in life time seems to "fly" and we can never get enough of it and yet when we encounter hardships we often are surprised at how long something lasts.
And sometimes... well sometimes life is a bittersweet mixture of both.
And for me, that is what starting the fifth fall feels like. It is the fifth fall (start of the 4th full year) since I have moved home to my parents house suspecting that I was dealing with more than "just" CFS/ME and Fibromyalgia. It is the fifth fall since my entire digestive system started to crash and I needed IV nutrients. It is the fifth fall since I gave up my independence, moved out of state, moved back home into my parents home, and then eventually (in the winter) became unable to walk with no explanation. It is the fifth fall away from the job that I love and desire to go back to(teaching). It is the fifth fall of seeing dreams shattered and delayed. It is the fifth fall that I have experienced extreme illness and pain. It is the fifth fall that I will spend time in a place that I will call "home" but we will all be displaced. It is the fifth fall that I am completely reliant on my parents, family, and friends for help in a variety of ways (including financial resources).
It's hard. It's discouraging. It's frustrating. It's nothing like what I planned or envisioned my life to be like. It's messy. It's painful. It's difficult... and the tears fall often.
In the midst of that there is beautiful hope in the ordinary... in the days where the difficult and the painful meet... there is beautiful blessings that reach out to grasp my heart in new ways. In the pain joy arrives encouraging me and gently reminding me of God's beautiful and tender grace to meet me in the pain and that I am not forgotten.
It is the fifth fall that many people would classify as a time that has been awful... and it has been. It has stretched me and grown me in ways that I never would have chosen before. It has molded my often selfish heart to be more understanding, more kind, more gracious, and more loving... all because I have been the recipient of such extravagant measures of each of these things.
As we move out of the camp and woods that I so dearly love for the winter, we move into my grandmother's home... my parents completely displaced (sleeping on an air mattress in the living room), all of us sharing a tiny teeny home that was really meant for one person, my dad needing to step outside (even in the snow drifts of winter to take phone calls because there is hardly good phone reception), all of us learning to live with a lot less and everyone sacrificing to help me get better. It's hard. It's really hard sometimes... especially when Rebecca is often sick and there is not much space... but in this tiny teeny space and house... I have learned so much about love.
Love that is faithful and unbending. Love that doesn't walk away when life is tough. Love that believes in the bigness of God and the miracles He still performs today. Love that gently quotes scripture verses of encouragement to hurting hearts. Love that listens to God-filled music on replay again and again because it helps remind of us of truth. Love that chooses laughter in silly things over frustration. Love that comforts in pain. Love that chooses to believe and hope in all things.
I have been so changed by the beautiful love that surrounds me.
The fifth fall is also a time of seeing the Lord provide for me daily on this journey - emotionally, physically, spiritually. It is the fifth fall of seeing who my true friends are - those who are willing to walk into the darkness, and are not afraid of the scary and long and winding road of this journey with Lyme. It is the fifth fall of looking back on a hard but beautiful summer filled with precious memories that included a successful and perfect port placement, a visit to Muir Woods in California and Emerald Bay in Lake Tahoe, the opportunity to attend my dear friend Ruth's wedding, see the book release of December Caravan come to fruition, share a bit of my heart at Mundane Faithfulness, go to Magic Kingdom with Friends, go on a beautiful Disney Cruise with my sister and so many other things.
And... it is the fifth fall of this fight... a fight that still has a while to go. Due to the pain that I have been experiencing these last several weeks some of the intense treatment has been delayed. I am grateful to share that your prayers are being answered as I am seeing improvements slowly... and it is a balancing act of figuring out the best medicine as I am reacting unfortunately to the medicine that is helping. And yet, this is the battle. The battle to get well and to fight to beat these diseases.
I well up with tears though at the goodness of the Lord. I have a wonderful doctor and medical team and they are fighting this journey with me. One day at a time friends (and sometimes one minute at a time) I will take this fight. The Lord is with me. He continues to provide wisdom and direction- even as recently as the end of the last week as bloodwork came in and we learned some new news. Surprising to me but not to the Lord. He is NEVER surprised by any of this.
So on Friday I will have a phone appointment with my main medical team and we will discuss the best steps forward. I would covet prayers for this appointment and for wisdom as we move forward with this fifth fall... A fall that I know the Lord will provide for me again- in miraculous ways. A fall of trusting the Lord who knows my heart and knows the way I will go. A fall filled with days of falling more in love with my Savior.
This may not have been what I would have picked for this season of my life... but I know the one who carries me and even this He has a beautiful plan that I can't imagine... even with this fifth fall.
Several years ago I came across Daniel 2:21 which states, :"He changes times and seasons...". This verse has been of particular comfort to me of late, reminding me that the Lord has a hand in all seasons and each day that is approaching is a gift.
And the Lord has brought me to Jeremiah 31:2-5 again and again this past week:
"The people who survived the wars have found favor in the desert. The LORD appeared to me in a faraway place and said, “I love you with an everlasting love. So I will continue to show you my kindness. Once again I will build you up, and you will be rebuilt, my dear people Israel. Once again you will take your tambourines, and you will go dancing with happy people. Once again you will plant..."
Once again dear friends... once again I am starting the fifth fall looking to the Lord and His love and knowing that He will have the best in mind. What a good and amazing God He is.
Thank you so much for all of your continued prayers for me on this journey. I know from the outside it can sometimes seem confusing, frustrating, or even difficult to understand and yet you take the time to lovingly support and pray and offer hope and encouragement. Every single day I see the answers to each of them in a thousand different ways. I weep as you pray for my doctors and nurses who I have come to love dearly in this journey who don't know the Lord. Thank you for loving them through your prayers. Please keep praying for all of us friends and thank you so much for all of your love and support on this very long journey.
"There will be a lovely ending to this story of frustration, something worth all it has cost."
Three years ago (almost exactly to the date) I wrote a post sharing the news about a difficult and serious infection that I had developed that landed me in the hospital plus I was finally cleared to share the exciting news that I had signed a book contract with Tate Publishing.
I can still remember signing the contract, feeling so sick, and laughing a bit that after so many years of praying for a season of writing ministry to be opened that this was the timing that the Lord had. It seemed (to me) that a different season- one of perfect health - would be much better. But as I have learned again and again on this journey the Lord's plans and ways are different and better than we could ever have imagined.
Eight years ago on this date (it was a Friday) I was finishing up teacher in-service, preparing my room, getting last minute lesson plans finalized, copying syllabi, and finalizing decorating my classroom. (If you are a former student, then the last one is probably making y'all laugh. You know how I loved my room to be decorated. *smiles* And Jen, you are probably giggling remembering that we were also trying to safety proof the room. *smiles*) I remember pausing somewhere in the morning and looking out the huge wall-to-wall picture windows that my school room had and wondering what the year ahead would bring. I had absolutely no idea how my life would be shattered and how I would spend the year not ministering as much as I thought I would but being ministered to and deeply loved by my school community and the graduating class of 2009. While I think of many of my students often and spend time praying for them, these past few weeks, and especially today I have welled up with tears so many times as I realize the story could have been so very different if I hadn't been the recipient of such extreme love by so many people that year. People that consistently and courageously and compassionately shared God's love in a million practical and gracious ways.
God, in His infinite and amazing kindness continues to weave a story of love around our brokenhearted times. His mercy is never ending and compassion knows no limits. So today I wanted to share a few glimpses of some old pictures ... a look back in pictures from a year that is the foundation of the book... and a time when there might have only been tears was covered with the precious reminder that God was ever-present in the dark.
In looking ahead to the release of December Caravan tomorrow (ahhhh!!) I thought it would be fun to share a short video of a few pictures from that beautiful, messy, hard, difficult, fun, wonderful, awful, fantastic, and most precious year. The year that I grew up a lot. The year that everything changed. The year that extreme grace was shown. The year that I laughed way more than I cried. The year that I fell more in love with the Lord.
To the WCA class of 2009, thank you. Your love, your encouragement, and your selfless care for me will always be remembered with humility. You brought laughter when there would have been tears and a precious reminder that God was ever-present in the dark
and to the WCA community who showed me what community rooted in God’s love and grace looks like… it was a piece of Heaven I will cherish forever.
While there are so many precious moments that I have no pictures of, and so many amazing people who are not shown in this video, I hope that what you see is the joy of being reminded that there is always hope in the dark night of suffering and pain because of an ever-present God. The video has a song that has extreme sentimental value... just one small gesture of love from students whom I am honored to call friends... looking for music that was not a country break up song for their teacher. Unfortunately I played it a thousand times over they year and they probably never listened to it again. *smiles*
P.S. Some of you have so kindly asked how you can help spread the word about the release of December Caravan. Last week I wrote a post entitled 12 Ways to help Your Friend's Book Release which you can find HERE. Thank you Thank you Thank you!
Dearest Friends, as we celebrate this precious weekend of remembering Christ's extravagant work on the cross to save us, may you be blessed with the knowledge that Christ is risen, draw comfort in the truth that our sufferings are temporary, and rejoice in the miraculous hope of our risen Lord!
“…for the Lord has heard my weeping.”
-Psalm 6:8-
One of the real aspects of Singleness is the heartbreaking reality of weeping in this journey. Weeping can strike has at all different times due to the searing pain and longing in our hearts. To me weeping is going beyond tears. Weeping is completely soulful in the sense that it comes from the deepest part of our hearts.
Weeping is defined as: "to express grief, sorrow, or any overpowering emotion by shedding tears". In my experience there are so many times where weeping has taken place in this journey. Like many women who are single, I long to share my life with someone. I long to "live life together" and serve God with someone in our everyday lives. I long to share the celebrations and holidays with someone but even more so I long to share everyday life with someone. I long to be a mama ... I long to serve the Lord as a married woman. All of these things are natural and important, and because these longing and ache is so deep, there are times where it seems like on this journey that I just can not stop the tears from falling and I weep.
Singleness for me at many times is such a
profoundly heart-wrenching area for me that often times the tears are so close to
the surface that they start falling with little warning or little encouragement.
“I am
worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with
my tears.” (Psalm 6:6) I find such comfort in this verse from the Psalms as it shows me that the psalmist understood my pain (even though our circumstances have been different).
There are times where I relate so well with the Psalmist when he says, “my tears have been my food
day and night” (Psalm 42:3). There are times where it seems the tears
over being single just can’t stop. The grief is that great. “My eyes fail
because of tears…” (Lamentations 2:11) Some singles don't struggle in this way, but for me I have found great comfort in the fact that scripture shows us that the Lord understands deep pain and even wept when He was here on earth. He understood tears. “Jesus Wept.” (John 11:35) The smallest verse in the Bible shouts to my hurting heart as I know that the Lord is near to our broken hearts in these times of weeping. He understands our longings and tears. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses…” (Hebrews 4:15)
But even though times of weeping happen in this journey, we do not cry or grieve like someone who has no hope. Our hope is in the Lord. Our trust is in Him, for
every situation and season in life. And our precious Lord doesn't just understand, He listens and hears our cries. “…for the Lord has heard my weeping.” (Psalm 6:8) He comforts us and hears our prayers and our weeping and answers us. “I love the Lord,
because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he has inclined
his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live.” (Psalm 116:1-2)
Dear hurting and brokenhearted single friends, hold onto the hope and truth that the Lord hears our weeping and is near. God is always with us friends... may His tender mercy comfort you in this difficult season of longing. “The Lord is close to the
brokenhearted, he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” (Psalm 34:18)
I am so excited to share about the release of my upcoming new book, "When Mercy Beckons" (Embracing Hope and Grace When Life Turns Out Differently Than You Imagined) will be released in the spring of 2017!!!
This book, is a book that is from my heart. This book shares different stories from my life (specifically from the past 8 years of my life, starting when my ex-fiance walked out of our relationship shortly before our wedding through the journey of loosing my independence and health when I was diagnosed with Advanced Late Stage Lyme Disease and Cancer) and the way that the Lord has been so merciful despite very difficult circumstances. My hope and prayer of this very personal book is that it will encourage those going through unimaginably difficult times to see that God is still good despite our circumstances and encourage the reader to embrace hope and grace each day.
It has been a ton of hard work and thousands of hours and it has been the Lord's grace and goodness each step of the way to see this project coming to fruition. Would you pray for me as I finish up the final edits in the coming weeks? My deepest prayer for this project is that people would know of the Lord's bountiful mercy and goodness and that there is hope and grace despite any circumstances they are facing. Specifically I have been praying the words of Isaiah for myself and each person who reads this book:
"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor... to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."
-Isaiah 61:1-3-
Would you pray this too? Thank you so much sweet friends! I hope that you have a wonderful Friday and weekend!!
P.S. If you would like to keep up with updates specific to this book please follow along at the When Mercy Beckons Instagram page which you can find HERE!
It has been a ton of hard work and thousands of hours and it has been the Lord's grace and goodness each step of the way to see this project coming to fruition. Would you pray for me as I finish up the final edits in the coming weeks? My deepest prayer for this project is that people would know of the Lord's bountiful mercy and goodness and that there is hope and grace despite any circumstances they are facing. Specifically I have been praying the words of Isaiah for myself and each person who reads this book:
-Isaiah 61:1-3-
P.S. If you would like to keep up with updates specific to this book please follow along at the When Mercy Beckons Instagram page which you can find HERE!
As some of you are aware and know, this past week has been extremely tough for my family. On Friday evening my grandmother, my dad's mom, passed away less then a year after my dad's brother, my uncle, died. I can't thank you enough for all of your prayers for my family, especially for my dad during this time of loss. Personally, I have been struggling with some extreme Lyme symptoms and pain, plus recovering from an accidental gluten mistake from which I had an extreme reaction, plus struggling with extreme pain.
BUT, as you might have seen on my instagram, in the midst of loss and these very hard days we received the BEST NEWS EVER! Yesterday, at my skin Cancer check up I was told that there are no new spots AND that instead of having check ups every few months I have graduated to yearly appointments!!! I promptly broke down in tears to which my very kind doctor cried with me and said, "you are doing this...you are slowly healing and seeing all of the hard work that you are doing to get your life back... congratulations... " *tears*
One day at a time friends... one very very slow day at a time of healing I am slowly starting to get my life back... Words can't describe how grateful, humbling, emotional, and exciting this news is as I know so many of you have helped me get to this point and are still helping me through my go fund me page.
Thank you so much for all of your continued prayers (especially for fiances, pain, and symptoms that I am dealing with and for treatment), your love, and your support in this very long journey of fighting Lyme Disease and Cancer.
-Isaiah 62:12-
One of the most difficult times in the single journey can be during Valentine's, especially the week and day of. On this day of “love” with all of the
red, all of the balloons, all of the heart candy, all of the flowers, and all
of the expressions of romantic love, it can be easy as a single gal to sometimes just want to curl up in bed and
pull a quilt over my head until Valentine's Day has passed.
Valentine's Day as a single lady can feel like a day where singleness is written with a capitol “S” on my forehead and everyone knows that I am “alone”. I struggle and yet, feel challenged to pray as I know the truth that I can act out on my feelings towards this day and live in "loneliness" or I can embrace the truth of God's word, knowing that I am "sought after" and loved.
I am loved by the Lord.
Scripture says that I am loved beyond measure, that I am loved more dearly than I could ever imagine. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16) I am not loved for a short time but forever by the Lord. I love how Jeremiah 31:3 states: “I have loved you with an everlasting love…".
Our time and circumstances here on earth are temporary, but the Lord's love lasts forever. We may not feel special on Valentine's Day, but we are to the Lord. “I will make you like my signet ring, for I have chosen you.” (Haggai 2:23)
One of my most favorite verses as a single gal is from Isaiah 62:12: “You will be called Sought After.” Don't we all want to be 'sought after'?!?! I know that I do!!
Valentine's Day as a single lady can feel like a day where singleness is written with a capitol “S” on my forehead and everyone knows that I am “alone”. I struggle and yet, feel challenged to pray as I know the truth that I can act out on my feelings towards this day and live in "loneliness" or I can embrace the truth of God's word, knowing that I am "sought after" and loved.
I am loved by the Lord.
Scripture says that I am loved beyond measure, that I am loved more dearly than I could ever imagine. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16) I am not loved for a short time but forever by the Lord. I love how Jeremiah 31:3 states: “I have loved you with an everlasting love…".
Our time and circumstances here on earth are temporary, but the Lord's love lasts forever. We may not feel special on Valentine's Day, but we are to the Lord. “I will make you like my signet ring, for I have chosen you.” (Haggai 2:23)
One of my most favorite verses as a single gal is from Isaiah 62:12: “You will be called Sought After.” Don't we all want to be 'sought after'?!?! I know that I do!!
As we wait in this single season let us trust that the Lord has a beautiful story, and that we are preciously sought after. Even this Valentine's Day where we are single the Lord is crafting a beautiful and miraculous story for our romantic lives. On this Valentine's Day, rest in this precious truth that you are loved, forever, immensely, passionately, and most of all that you are sought after.
Happy New Years friends!! This is the third year that I have ever joined in on the "pick a word for the year train". I am honestly not sure why I didn't do this years ago because it is such a lovely and sweet idea. Last year as I prayed about a word for the year 2015 (and chose the word "Mettle") it really allowed me time to focus, think and pray about the coming year. It was the same in 2014, when I chose the word "Valor".
Over the past few months as I have prayed about 2016, I expected a word to "come immediately" as it has in the past and yet... it didn't. The word was not as "clear cut" to me as the last two years. Perhaps it is because this health journey is much longer than I originally thought it would be or perhaps it is because I have been feeling weary of late, but I as I kept praying over the world for this year, I felt that there could have been 50 different appropriate words. *smiles*
As I kept seeking the Lord about this coming year, He continued to bring me back to a passage of scripture (Jeremiah 31:2-5) that I felt encompassed all of those 50 words and "themes" that kept coming to mind and could be summed up by an over-arching word:
Over the past few months as I have prayed about 2016, I expected a word to "come immediately" as it has in the past and yet... it didn't. The word was not as "clear cut" to me as the last two years. Perhaps it is because this health journey is much longer than I originally thought it would be or perhaps it is because I have been feeling weary of late, but I as I kept praying over the world for this year, I felt that there could have been 50 different appropriate words. *smiles*
As I kept seeking the Lord about this coming year, He continued to bring me back to a passage of scripture (Jeremiah 31:2-5) that I felt encompassed all of those 50 words and "themes" that kept coming to mind and could be summed up by an over-arching word:
Anew Definition:
(1) Once more; again
(2) In a new and different way, form, or manner
(3) In a new or different, typically more positive way.
(4) Once more, again.
(1) Once more; again
(2) In a new and different way, form, or manner
(3) In a new or different, typically more positive way.
(4) Once more, again.
Granted, it is not a word that is "common" or used everyday but the definitions sum up exactly what I pray for for this coming year. This battle for my health continues to be very difficult and demanding and I want to meet this challenge with the hope of what is coming. I want to persevere and yet live fully in this season. As I lean on the Lord's strength to conquer the "unknowns" of what lies ahead with my health, healing, relationships, my professional life, my shop, my writing, and some personal circumstances I can rest fully in the knowledge that His strength is going to give me the joy to face these demanding and difficult situations. Finally, I want to be a good soldier for the Lord in this difficult situation and have the quality of temperament to face the pain of illness, the strength to believe in the impossible, and the lovely peace that comes from trusting a Sovereign God fully without fear.
There are some verses in scripture that I have mentioned here on the blog before that the Lord kept bringing me back to as I prayed through this upcoming year. They have really become "my verses" for this 2016 year:
A lot of time as a young sick gal I find myself facing the truth that I struggle with this season being one of "crumbling". To be honest, it is not a lot of fun. *smiles* The other day I was moaning and complaining to the Lord and saying, "hasn't there been enough pain?" "hasn't there been enough sickness?" "haven't I endured enough on this journey?" And the Lord quietly replied, "My child, I love you. When you pass through the waters I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you; when you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, neither shall the flame scorch you." (Isaiah 43:1) I am humbled by the Lord's love that so graciously puts up with my complaining. How great His love is for His children. BUT... I admit that I have been dealing with some deep grief behind the scenes. Recently I have felt such a tug-of-war about wishing this story was different. I have cried many tears about the deep aching dreams that I see others receiving and living while I struggle to get out of bed some days. My "successes" of the day often revolve around things that would seem small to the rest of the world. I haven't talked about it much on this blog but it has been a death ... a relinquishing of many many dreams on this long journey. There have been many tears that have been spent on this tender subject. Many tears wondering if my greatest dreams of being married and being a mama will come true. Even writing those words and reading them is difficult as I surrender to the Lord.
There are some verses in scripture that I have mentioned here on the blog before that the Lord kept bringing me back to as I prayed through this upcoming year. They have really become "my verses" for this 2016 year:
"The people who survived the wars have found favor in the desert. The LORD appeared to me in a faraway place and said, “I love you with an everlasting love. So I will continue to show you my kindness. Once again I will build you up, and you will be rebuilt, my dear people Israel. Once again you will take your tambourines, and you will go dancing with happy people. Once again you will plant..."
-Jeremiah 31:2-5-
A lot of time as a young sick gal I find myself facing the truth that I struggle with this season being one of "crumbling". To be honest, it is not a lot of fun. *smiles* The other day I was moaning and complaining to the Lord and saying, "hasn't there been enough pain?" "hasn't there been enough sickness?" "haven't I endured enough on this journey?" And the Lord quietly replied, "My child, I love you. When you pass through the waters I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you; when you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, neither shall the flame scorch you." (Isaiah 43:1) I am humbled by the Lord's love that so graciously puts up with my complaining. How great His love is for His children. BUT... I admit that I have been dealing with some deep grief behind the scenes. Recently I have felt such a tug-of-war about wishing this story was different. I have cried many tears about the deep aching dreams that I see others receiving and living while I struggle to get out of bed some days. My "successes" of the day often revolve around things that would seem small to the rest of the world. I haven't talked about it much on this blog but it has been a death ... a relinquishing of many many dreams on this long journey. There have been many tears that have been spent on this tender subject. Many tears wondering if my greatest dreams of being married and being a mama will come true. Even writing those words and reading them is difficult as I surrender to the Lord.
But I was reading something the other day by Blythe Hunt which encouraged my little weary and broken heart and reminded me of the word that the Lord kept impressing on my heart of this year being "anew". She said:
"But no amount of effort on my part can draw me out of the weariness I feel from this year's grief. No amount of effort can protect me from grief to come in 2016. Working hard to create an improved version of myself... I just don't have the energy for pumping myself up to follow a plan in order to convince myself that I'm not as broken as I feel. Because, friends, I feel quite broken. Yet that doesn't mean I can't live life more intentionally, seeking Grace to understand how God is pursuing and healing my hurting heart. So as I've browsed all these articles on setting new year's resolutions, I've prayed. I've prayed asking God to reveal how I can be more of a Gracemonger. And this is what I've come up with:
(1) Be Still.
(2) Be Loved.
(3) Be Joyful.
(4) Be Kind."
If you are weary from grief or from whatever the season of last year held (or even for what the beginning of this year has held so far!) I pray, that you will join me in looking at this coming year "anew". Let us live, as Blythe said, "seeking grace to understand how God is pursuing and healing our hurting hearts".
"The people who survived the wars have found favor in the desert. The LORD appeared to me in a faraway place and said, “I love you with an everlasting love. So I will continue to show you my kindness. Once again I will build you up, and you will be rebuilt, my dear people Israel. Once again you will take your tambourines, and you will go dancing with happy people. Once again you will plant..."
The Lord is starting something beautiful anew.
So that is my "word" for the year friends! Did y'all pick a "word" for this year? I would love to hear about it and what the significance is to you!!
"Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight, at the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more, when he bares his teeth, winter meets its death, and when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again."
-CS Lewis-
I have been somewhat "absent" from the blog and social media for the last couple of weeks. I have spent time catching up, creating new items for the shop, and staying connected through instagram and a few posts here on the blog, but I have purposefully been taking a little time away to rest, spend extra time with the Lord in prayer and in His word, and with dear family and friends (near and far).
But if I am honest, I have mostly been unplugged. Life throughout the end of November and December was a whirlwind of activity. From starting a new and intense treatment protocol, finishing the wonderful blessing of lots of orders for the shop to the release of my third book, it seemed non-stop for a while and a little retreat was absolutely necessary.
And I have been spending a lot of time thinking and praying.
And marveling again at how God works in our lives in unique ways that we could never have imagined.
This gal who has never liked to be the center of attention and whose voice used to shake anytime she had to speak in front of a large crowd has been sharing her life publicly and voluntarily (at that) on this blog for almost three years now.
And... sharing personal stories and lessons in magazine articles & a second book that will be published soon along with thoroughly enjoying the opportunities when the Lord opens the door for me to speak (and not even getting nervous at all).
Honestly, it leaves me speechless. If you would have told me four years ago that this is what my life would look like I would have stared at you in disbelief and thought that you were a little insane. Honestly, I probably would have been scared out of my mind. There would have been NO way I could have imagined all that has transpired.
Put me in front of a classroom full of students who I can live life with any day but other ways of living life "publicly"- absolutely no way. I have said this often-I love people, but I am a "private person" in many ways.
But then... slowly and surely the Lord started moving me completely out of my comfort zone, stripped my life to "ashes", and has given me the strength to face each day to fight several serious diseases, and His goodness overwhelms me in the pain. And my heart longs to give Him glory for all He is doing.
And there is absolutely nothing private about that.
And I am in awe of Him.
As we move forward into a new year I am reminded of all of these things in light of what an incredibly difficult year 2015 was. I felt that the Lord had given me the word "mettle" for the year 2015, and it was perfect. In many ways it was so full of hard times that outweighed the "happy times". 2015 was filled with incredible pain, deep and aching loneliness at points, and countless tears. I don't think that if I had the choice I would want to repeat most of 2015 but in other ways the deep adversity brought about a rich depth of my relationship with the Lord, deepened true friendships, and has taught me in new ways to appreciate the simple things that surround us each day.
In other ways I have never been so grateful for 2015. The Lord blessed me with an amazing miracle of a lovely cruise, the release of two new books (Prayers for the Single Journey and When Light Dawns), presented some speaking opportunities, was a year of growing in creativity and thinking about where I am heading with my shop, found courage to say goodbye to something that was not my calling and hello to a new adventure that was with Grace Engaged, learning contentment and peace in this season of life and becoming an advocate for those for Lyme Disease, and mostly falling in love with the Lord in new ways. In many ways this year was about learning to show up in hope in the ordinary.
And the biggest answer to prayer and the most amazing gift... moving forward in treatment to help beat Lyme Disease. Thinking about where I was a year ago and approaching 2015... knowing I couldn't even handle any type of antibiotics ... this past year with starting an intense shot protocol to "nic the picc" finishing 8 intense weeks of treatment this week is utterly amazing... and only because of the Lord.
As I look back on the incredibly painful and difficult times of 2015 and remember with gratitude the miracles that have happened. I look to the future year in wonder of what God is going to do next.
In many ways I know that this is journey that the Lord has me on is something that I would have kept very private if it was up to me. Things that I would have recorded in my journal for my little heart alone. (*smiles* Let's be honest- all of you that know me know that if I had known I was going to not only be diagnosed with Lyme Disease, but Cancer too within six months of starting this blog there is no way that I would have even started writing! *giggles*)
But when I remove life being all about "me" I see in new and great ways that God is faithful. He provides light for each day and tells us to leave the future in His hands. And His word and scripture show us how to be obeying Him in the daily- even when it is scary or uncomfortable. I am reminded of the truth of scripture that states that "obedience brings blessing"... and I see that in so many ways through this growth and stretch of sharing this journey with you sweet friends.
Sharing the pain of illness, the heart-wrenching grief of certain circumstances, and the beautifully answered prayers of ordinary days has changed me in a thousand different ways.
My heart has never known the beautiful love of Jesus so tenderly and personally as this year. This blog has helped challenge me, encourage me, and grow me. This blog forces me to come to the cross anew as I examine what I am learning and sharing with y'all. This little blog gives me one more opportunity to be reminded that Hope is ever present in our lives.
So as we approach not only a new year, but each new day with the wonderment and expectation I accept with gratitude that if we allow the Lord to use everything in our lives for his glory we can't help but be changed by Him.
By His mercy.
By His love.
By His faithfulness.
By His goodness.
As I expectantly look to the Lord (Micah 7:7) for 2016, I see the Lord's gentle nudging and love reminding me that He has created me and will lead me on the path that I take. Truly, Yahweh charts the course. And as we look to the new year I am joyfully content to recognize that the Lord has given me an "artsy old soul". A soul that God created to live out the verse that He truly makes beauty from ashes. I can't wait to live fearlessly ("sine-timore") and expectantly with you this year friends, stepping out in even more faith. I can't wait to share with y'all some this next steps of this caravan and cheer you on on yours! Thank you so much for reading, commenting, and sharing this journey with me!
As we say "goodbye" to 2015 I pray the Lord's greatest blessings on you sweet friends. Happy New Year! I can't wait to live life with you in this coming year!
With Lots of Love,
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