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Happy 30th Birthday Hoopster!!

June 12, 2016

My gorgeous "baby" sister (whom I affectionately refer to as "hoopster" -because she played basketball... and who calls me "pom pom" -because I was a cheerleader and yes, we have code names. Blame it on a bad break up and a marathon viewing of Alias. *smiles*) turns 30 today! I thought I would share with y'all 30 of my favorite things about her. (These are in no particular order and there are a ton more I could have mentioned. It was hard to narrow it down to just thirty!)

1. That you still thinks code names are "cool". 

2. That no matter how many years we take the twenty hour car trip to New York you still think it is fun to sneak "just one more thing" in.
3. The Rescue. Need I say more?

4. Our Memories.
5. The Spring that we lived together before I got sick.
6. How BIG your heart is.

7. That you get dressed up for dinner just because I think it is fun. 
8. The laughter that you bring to our family.
9. That we still laugh about Mary Kate and Ashley movies and that you still encourage me that we will be on the Amazing Race. "Let's run up the hill... duck... okay get in the car... this game is all about minutes."

10. Our conversations. 

11. That you think I am a good singer (hahaha) and that it is always a good time to start "air-singing" ... don't worry I will call and sing to you today!
12. ALL of your prayers for me!

13. Our Thanksgiving Starbucks tradition
14. Our late night talks- even in freezing hotel rooms.
15. Our sister days. (and trips!)

16. That you love being in charge of the lights at Christmas 
17. Your lovely understanding of the need for compassion in the world.
18. your love for our pajama tradition!
19. Your ability to bring a smile to everyone's heart that encounters you.
20. Your loyalty. 

21. Your love for Disney World (just like me!)
22. Your agreement that there is only so much of the "it's a small world song" before one goes crazy.
23. that you love toasting with Starbucks water just because I think it is fun
24. your love for scamper and my future hubby and my future children

25. your love for road trips (and for singing in the car to all of the songs we know by heart!)
26. your love for talking and planning over EVERY DETAIL for future trips to give me a distraction through treatment

27. Our silly inside jokes.
28. Your Hugs
29. Our Tubing Adventures... Just jump Emily you can do it one more time... 
30. YOU
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY Hoopster! I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for you this coming year! I LOVE YOU sooo much!! This is going to be the best year ever!!

"Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart."
-Philippians 1:3-
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What Illness Cannot Do

June 9, 2016

Sometimes when you are struggling with a chronic or serious illness and the summer approaches it is hard to not see all that illness keeps us from. Today I wanted to share something for those that are courageously fighting cancer or other illnesses ! You are not alone! If you do not have cancer please feel free to insert your illness into this poem! Hold on to Hope! 
WHAT CANCER CANNOT DO
Cancer is so limited ...
It cannot cripple love. {"For God so loved the world..." -John 3:16}
It cannot shatter hope. {"Hope doesn't dissapoint us..." - Romans 5:5}
It cannot corrode faith. {"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for..." - Hebrews 11:1}
It cannot destroy peace. {"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you..."- John 14:27}
It cannot kill friendship. {"A friend who sticks closer than a brother." - Proverbs 18:24}
It cannot suppress memories. {"We all have happy memories..."- Proverbs 10:7)
It cannot silence courage. {"Be strong and courageous...." - Deuteronomy 31:6}
It cannot invade the soul. {"...cannot kill the soul." - Matthew 10:28}
It cannot steal eternal life. {"...that you have eternal life." - I John 5:13}
It cannot conquer the spirit. {"The Lord is my strength and my song..."- Exodus 15:2}
[A special "thank you" to H.Bob Anastasiadis who posted this poem in the Plattsburgh Press Republican Newspaper(2011) in honor of his wife who bravely fought cancer. {I added Bible verses to each of the points in the poem that I have found to be specifically encouraging in my own health journey.}]

During special seasons of the year, like summer, it is tempting to compare our stories to those who are healthy and free to do a lot this summer. It is tempting to feel depressed that we are not able to do "all" that our friends and family members are able to do. Hold on to hope dear friend and remember all of the things that your illness or struggle cannot do!
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Stranded With... Netflix Series

June 8, 2016

I'm so excited!!  Y'all may remember last month that I linked up with Shay and Erika's new link up "stranded" and shared three books I would take to a deserted island. Each month there is a different topic (see below for all of the topics) and today, we're blogging about what three netflix series we would take with us if we were stranded on a deserted island.

Let me be clear. As much as I love the beach (like one of my favorites, Coco Cay *smiles*) I don't think that I would fair well on a deserted island. Hahaha. Obviously, while I dream of being on the Amazing Race, I am not hoping to be on Survivor which I associate with being stuck on a desert island. Or the movie Castaway. Not fun.*hahaha*

I have shared on the blog before that I am not a huge TV watcher. To me I don't love to watch a ton of TV and I am incredibly picky about what I put in front of my eyes and what I choose to put into my brain. I choose not to watch shows that are filled with violence, lots of sexuality, and that are crude. This may not leave a lot of options, but that is fine with me. I am honestly sometimes appalled at what is on TV and influencing our country and generation.


I know that some people think that those that are sick are sitting around doing nothing but watching TV, but in all honest, anyone that knows people that are seriously ill know that this is not the case, and for anyone who knows me knows that this is farthest from the truth. I am most happy and content when I am engaged in the lives of other people, enjoying the moments with others, and choosing to be wise with my time despite this hard season in life. 


On the flip side, there have been times where TV has been a great distraction from pain and I was so thankful when someone gifted me a Netflix subscription last year so that I could have a distraction. So here are the 3 TV shows that I would take with me to the deserted island:


(1) When Calls the Heart

I have loved the show from the very first episode. It is sweetly written, beautifully depicted, and the acting is wonderful. Originally inspired and named after Janette Oke's first book in her Canadian West Series, "When Calls the Heart" is the story of Elizabeth Thatcher who is a young teacher from a high society background who obtains her first teaching assignment in Coal Valley, a small mining town. Shortly before she arrived there had been an explosion that killed more than a dozen of the town's miners, leaving the widows and the children grieving, along with the rest of the town. As the seasons have progressed (there are three and two that are available on Netflix), a sweet love story emerges, deep friendships, and the overriding theme that despite life's hard, there is good to be found and community is beautiful. BRAVO Hallmark Channel for depicting a beautiful love story of a man pursuing a woman and a beautiful relationship without all of the sexual content. I love this family friendly show and recommend it everyone.

(2) Madam Secretary

When previews for Madam Secretary first came out I was skeptical about the show and then I watched the first episode and I was immediately impressed. Madam Secretary follows the story of the newly appointed Secretary of State Elizabeth McCord as she returns to public service at the request of the president, after retiring from her job as a CIA officer and becoming a professor at the University of Virginia. Madam Secretary revolves around the political need for international diplomacy, battles office politics, and negotiates national and international issues. The show is not only wonderful because the acting is phenomenal and is family -friendly, but the chemistry and romance between Tea Leoni and Tim Daly (who plays her brilliant husband and are also dating in real life) is adorable. And SERIOUSLY... it is SO nice to see a couple who are relatable, adorable, and obviously happily in love without all of the "TV drama" that sometimes is added into a relationship. Bravo CBS for showing a healthy marriage.
One of the things that I love about the show is that they deal with super serious issues and bring international things that are going on currently to light, but also have a ton of humor. There are so many quick lines that I often find myself laughing out loud. I love it and recommend this show to everyone, especially if you are looking for a family-friendly show.

(3) West Wing (Seasons 2-6 Specifically)

The West Wing was an American political drama that started in 1999 and ran through 2006. The series was set primarily in the West Wing and centered around the lives of President Josiah Bartlet and his staff. I did not like season 1, but seasons 2-6 were fantastic. The acting was suberb, there was humor, and the creators had the ability to bring relief issues to the forefront while showing an inside look at how the West Wing functioned. As a former history and government teacher, I have always been impressed with the way that the show was able to teach a lot of general and factual knowledge about government and yet create a wonderful dialogue. I also loved that this was a family friendly show with minimum language and minimum sexual content.

So these are my three shows if I'm stranded on a deserted island that I would bring! What TV shows would you bring?  I'd really love to know if you have any suggestions!!  Comment below (or link up!) and share this with us!  

And to see the other topics for the rest of the year (obviously next month we all know that I will be bringing Kate Middleton and Prince Harry with me - hahaha!)

Happy Wednesday friends!
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10 Ways to Enhance Your Creativity This Summer

June 4, 2016

I have seen a ton of people sharing their goals for this summer (and I have been working on mine too *smiles*) and it has gotten me thinking about how I want this summer to enhance my creativity. There is something about the summer months that makes me dream of new things, exploring new places, and becoming a more creative person. Today I thought I would share 10 Ways to Enhance Your Creativity this Summer for your best summer yet! 
1. Create the Right Environment
What is your perfect environment for thinking creatively? What can you do this summer to enhance your environment to make it beautiful? Having the right environment will look differently for each person, but it is a key to enhancing your creativity this summer. 

The picture above shows one of my favorite places in the world to sit and connect with others. I love curling up in these comfy, relaxing, and colorful chairs, working on projects, and writing. Sitting on an open air porch makes my creative brain run wild. What is your perfect environment? Don't think that you have to spend a lot of money either to create your perfect environment. All of the chairs above came from a Goodwill find that we re purposed! (You can read more about our porch HERE!) Sometimes enhancing the creativity is started by your environment!

2. Learn Something New
Your creativity will flourish when you step outside your comfort zone and learn something new. Whether this is learning something that you have always wanted to learn or something that you have forgotten since you were a child, take the time to step out and learn something new. This summer I hope to learn more French and spend time back playing the Keyboard. What are new things you want to learn this summer? If you are at a loss for where to begin- check out your community. Many community organizations and colleges offer adult education classes in a lot of different things. Want to learn something specific like cooking? Check out Whole Foods summer cooking classes. Think outside the box and learn something new this summer!

3. Get Moving
Recent Studies at Rhode Island College are showing that exercise can improve our ability to think creatively. The summer is the perfect time to get outside and move around! Get moving and watch your creative juices flow!

4. Develop Deeper Friendships and Be Open To New Connections 
"Creativity is just connecting things and people. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn't really do it, they just saw something."
- Steve Jobs-

Without the constrictions of a busy school year, the summer months is the perfect time to reach out, connect with old friends in a deeper way and reach out to new friends. Looking for inspiration on how to do this? Blythe Hunt wrote an amazing blog post on inviting others into our lives and six easy ways to do so. You can find it HERE. As you reach out and connect on a deeper level your creativity will be enhanced in a million different ways.

5. Spend Time Daydreaming
Summer is the perfect time to spend a little time daydreaming. Summer is the perfect time to take a step back, allow your brain to be free from distraction, and dream of what makes you feel joyful and creative. 

6. Put away the Phone/Social Media
I saw the above picture on Pinterest a couple of weeks ago and I found myself saying "amen"! It is fun to document the lazy and beautiful days of summer (and y'all know I love instagram for connecting people in this way) but y'all also know from my post last year, 5 Ways to Stop the Comparison Game and Love your Life, that I am a BIG believer in limiting social media. Put down the phone and enjoy your beautiful and creative life, your friends, your family, your relationships, and make some beautiful and creative memories that are just yours. 

7. Travel to a New Place
"Traveling- it leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller."
-Ibn Battuta-

I have the above quote on my travel page here on the blog and I love how true that it is. There is something about getting out of our everyday environments and traveling to a new place that not only can leave us speechless, but turn us into a storyteller. Traveling enhances my creativity in so many ways as I interact with new people, new cultures, new customs, new ideas, and new sites.  

Traveling can cost a lot of money, but it doesn't have to. Maybe this is the summer to dream of where to travel next summer? Maybe this is the summer to dream of where to take your dream vacation in a couple of years and how you are going to save for it? Or maybe this is the summer that you can discover in new ways how great your own city can be! Last summer I wrote a post entitled, 10 Tips for Exploring Your Own City that has so many helpful hints on thinking outside the box (You can find the post HERE)! There are so many places that are near to where we live that we can explore and travel to that will enhance our creativity! 

8. Step Outside of What You "Always" Do and Start a New Tradition
This summer, step outside of what you "always" do and incorporate one new thing. Start a new tradition. Maybe instead of family movie night always being inside with pizza you start a summer tradition of playing a movie in the backyard and grilling out. Maybe instead of always taking the same route to your extended family gathering you leave a day early and do something new along the way. (Looking for tips and tricks for long car trips? Check out this post I wrote on 10 Tips and Tricks for Long Car Trips HERE!) Think outside the box and start a new tradition! You will be amazed at how this enhances your creativity and will start to transform your life!

9. Change Up Your Morning Routine
Summer can be the perfect time to develop a new routine and this can help enhance your creativity. Maybe you are a morning person and you can wake up a little bit earlier to start a new project, or maybe you need a little bit more sleep. Think about what might work for you and try it this summer! New studies that are coming out are showing that changing up your morning routine can get your brain working in new ways!

10. Spend Time in Nature
If you have been around my instagram page than you know that I am a girly-girl who loves the outdoors, especially being in beautiful nature. Nature lets us connect to the world in a profound way I believe. It reminds us that we are part of something way bigger than ourselves, helps us slow down, reminds us of beauty even in difficult times, and gives us a new perspective on life. Take time this summer to get outside in nature and experience the beauty of enhancing your creativity and your life. 

Happy Saturday friends! I hope that these tips are helpful and that this is your best and most creative summer yet! 
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A Celebration of Miracles

June 3, 2016



Happy Happy Happy birthday Abbie and Sam. I love you both dearly and thank the Lord for you every single day!! You are a beautiful gift and today is a beautiful celebration of miracles.

"The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with Joy."
-Psalm 126:3-
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5 Beautiful Skirts for the Summer

source

Happy Friday friends! If you know me at all you know that I have a love affair with dressing up and wearing skirts and dresses. I have loved looking through the gorgeous summer skirts for this season and today I am sharing 5 favorite ones that I found!

(1) Lindy Taupe Lace Maxi Skirt
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I have recently discovered Morning Lavender and I am in love with all of their products. This gorgeous skirt truly is beautiful and would be perfect for summer. You can find it HERE.

(2) Yellow Bow Knot Skirt
This cute and adorable skirt is one of the cutest finds and it is on sale right now for $8.99!! The skirt is versatile as the bow can be worn in the back or in the front! You can click HERE to find it!

(3) Embellished Tulle Midi Skirt
There are lots of different Tulle Skirts this season, but this embellished tulle midi skirt from Anthropologie was adorable. You can find it HERE. 

(4) White Lace Skirt
source

There are so many adorable white skirts this season to choose from, but this one by Morning Lavendar was the perfect solution. As you can see from the pictures above the skirt is versatile and can be worn in numerous ways for different occasions. It is the perfect solution to that white summer skirt you are looking for. You can find it HERE.

(5) Yellow Maxi Skirt
 source

Another beautiful skirt by Morning Lavender, this beautiful Yellow Maxi Skirt is perfect for the summer. You can find it HERE. 

What are some of your favorite skirts for this season? Happy Friday friends! I hope you have a wonderful day!
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The God Who Meets Us in Faraway Places

June 1, 2016

"The people who survived the wars have found favor in the desert. The LORD appeared to me in a faraway place and said, “I love you with an everlasting love. So I will continue to show you my kindness. Once again I will build you up, and you will be rebuilt, my dear people Israel. Once again you will take your tambourines, and you will go dancing with happy people. Once again you will plant..." 
-Jeremiah 31:2-5-

As I watched the calendar days slowly slip by and May fade into June I have to admit that I became a little apprehensive. These past few weeks have been incredibly difficult with pain, changes of meds, some reactions to new things, etc. that instead of the bravery I was feeling a couple of months ago with getting a port placed, I had instead emerged from May and approached June with a cautious fear. The verses above from Jeremiah 31:2-5 have brought great comfort to my heart. Truly the Lord appears to us in "faraway places" and in the desert times. And yet, I admit that I feel that my typical brave spirit was wounded. 

And yet today and this month of June is upon us. Today that calls us to trust the Lord in new ways, to ask for mercy and grace, to once again pray through scripture for healing, and trust this day, like every other to the one who holds our future. 

As I mentioned in my last Notes from the Porch update, these past several months since March 13th (when "Nic the PICC" developed a serious and life-threatening blood clot) have been intense, difficult, and have provided lots of changes to my fragile system. Since March 13th I have dealt with thirteen different medicine changes, added additional supplemental therapy that required us to travel over three hours several times a week to receive, started a new "mini-round of treatment" to prepare for the "Mort the Port" being placed (yes, that is the only name I could come up with so I am open for suggestions *smiles*), and have tried to take one day at a time. *smiles*

These weeks have been extremely intense. There are numerous shots, numerous IV therapies, new oral meds, and new supplements and new protocols that have truly taken my fragile body to the breaking point. To be frank I have spent a good half of the last several weeks in tears due to extreme pain and extreme nausea. I have spent a lot of my days praying and asking Jesus for mercy in these difficult moments and I am so so grateful for precious friends and loved ones who have been lifting me up in prayer as I stumble through this time. I have received so many sweet messages from people asking me how things are going and telling me that they are praying for me. You have no idea what a blessing that this has been to my little heart during these days of weeping. 

So ... I continue to press forward with 13 more days of this treatment until we fly out to California on June 14th. I have an appointment on June 15th with the hematologist surgeon who will "officially" evaluate my case and then will give her recommendation on the best way to proceed. Some of you have asked if there is a chance that we will do another PICC line... at this point the answer would be "no". With the months that I have left in my suspected treatment rounds for my case of Lyme and the way that I can only handle a certain amount of drugs at one time (due to Mast Cell Disease) a port is a better long-term solution. Another factor that has brought us to this conclusion is that when "Nic the PICC" was originally placed we found out that it is impossible for me to have a line placed in my left arm and with the right arm developing a serious clot another line would most likely not be placed there (unless it was under extreme circumstances). 

I would ask for continued prayers as I am not looking forward to this surgery and with this past month being so difficult ... I am kind of dreading it. 

Thank you friends! 
Some of you have gently and tactfully asked if this past year of living in a different state have been worth the upheaval and expense and if the decision was a good one. I appreciate your kindness in asking so gently and lovingly. As a sick person I often struggle with guilt at the long length of this journey, the cost of this journey, the fact that Lyme Disease is not a "quick fix" and the stress and inconvenience that this brings on everyone that knows me. I have expressed so many times how grateful I am for every one's sacrifice and love this year (you would NOT believe all that my parents have done to help and so much that my other family members have sacrificed in order for us to be here this year!!) and I continue to well up with tears at the love that has enveloped me in this journey. 

I am grateful to say that the Lord has answered our prayers exceedingly beyond all that we could have asked or imagined after this past year. Here are just a few of the many beautiful blessings that the Lord has given:



(1) As I shared on instagram and facebook last week we received joyous news for the first time in seven years! Over the years I started to dread bloodwork as lots of things started to go from bad to worse, and continued to show "one more issue" after another as I was finally and accurately diagnosed with Advanced Late Stage Lyme Disease, Cancer and many other health issues. After years of searching for answers, years of slow and steady treatment with my fragile body, and lots of encouragement and prayers we have joyful news!! About 10 months ago my bloodwork started to slightly and slowly improve. About 5 months ago it started to stabilize. And then today... finally today ...we received the beautiful gift of for the first time in SEVEN years one very important area of my bloodwork is completely NORMAL!!

(2) Despite all of the medicine changes in the last several months and the fact that I have struggled, I have also never had to be hospitalized for any issue associated with this. For a gal who was going to the hospital emergency room 3-4 times a week just a couple of years ago this is a HUGE answer to prayer!

(3) There are NO new Cancer spots which is a blessing that we have cried many thankful tears over!

(4) In the past year my sleep, which is something that I was struggling with has returned almost to normal. At one point in this journey it was difficult for me to get more than 30 minutes at one time of sleep and now it is common for me to sleep 6-7 hours at one time. 

(5) My joint pain which has been severe these past couple of years, has decreased amazingly. 

(6) I have now been able to walk consistently (every.single.day) for a 1/2 of mile. This is HUGE as just a couple of years ago I couldn't even get out of bed without assistance and using a wheelchair. Last summer when I tried to start a walking program I eventually crashed. This year I started so SO slowly in October and for the past six months have added little bits every single week until we are at this point. My body has loved this and I am so incredibly grateful for this new addition to my healing journey. 

(7) I have been able to return to 98% raw vegan. This one right here has been one of the HUGEST accomplishments and help in my healing journey. Before I got sick I chose to eat raw and vegan for a number of different health reasons but after I got sick and Lyme attacked my digestive system I could hardly eat at all. Being able to return to almost a normal diet for me has been an incredible blessing and is helping me heal!

(8) Being able to return to driving. This has been an incredible blessing that I didn't talk much about on the blog because it was painful but this past year I have been able to return to driving and it has been an incredible gift.

(9) Being able to travel alone, speak at a conference, and dream of the future. While I still have a LONG way to go till I am completely healed, the trip to Phoenix showed me how far the Lord has brought me this year and that we are truly moving forward in this healing journey. What an incredible blessing!

These are just a few of the things that I could share about this past year, but are nine of my favorites! *smiles* Thank you so much for your continued prayers. Here are the immediate prayer requests that we have:

 (1) Prayers for peace as this trip to California approaches and for the placement of this port. 
This is the next step. It's my next step... a step that will bring me closer to healing and closer to the end of this incredibly tough journey, but I would be lying if I would say that it is an easy step. Anyone who is having a port placed is obviously having it placed for serious reasons and the IV treatment is not a picnic. Hearing the details that are in front of me has left us all feeling quiet and sad, with a few tears. 

(2) For relief of pain.

This mini-treatment round has caused a ton of pain (which is unfortunately normal) and I have been struggling a great deal. Please pray that the Lord relieves this pain as I face these remaining two weeks. It is quite intense and very uncomfortable. 

(3) For soothing of my digestive system.

This mini-treatment round has caused a ton of stomach and digestive issues again (which is also unfortunately normal) and I would covet your prayers for this to be calm again.

(4) For Nausea to be relieved and my appetite to return

This mini-treatment round has caused a ton of issues with nausea and sickness and my apetitie has been completely wiped out. I am not going to go into details, but would appreciate prayers for this area. 

(5) For Finances to Be Met for this Trip

I mentioned above the guilt that I feel as a sick gal needing to ask for prayer for this area and yet I know so many of you faithfully cover me in prayer so I do need prayer for this area. 
Due to a variety of factors (that I will not bore you with here) my mom (who needs to be with me for medical reasons) and I will be flying out and staying for nine days in California (June 14th- 23rd) and it will be an expensive trip. While we are there I will have the port placed and then will start the rounds of different IV medications in my doctors medical practice so that I can be carefully monitored in case of any reactions. As it was for the October trip, this trip is quite expensive and we would covet your prayers for all of the funds to be provided. If you are interested in financially donating you can find my "Go Fund Me Page" on the left side of the blog and I so appreciate your prayers as I humbly mention this need:

Here are the breakdown of costs for our California Trip: 
Lyme Doctors Appointment, Nurses Instructions and Appointments, and IV First Round Meds (None of which are covered by insurance)- $800
2 Round Trip Airline Tickets - (approximately) -$1500
Hotel Stay (8 nights)- (approximately) - ($2500 but is now) $1500 (This number is reduced as we have been offered points by a generous friend and had some points saved up for our Hyatt Stay. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to those who have donated your points for this!!)
Rental Car- $250
Food for the 9 day stay- (approximately)- $300
Total Cost- $4350
Due to some generous donations earlier this year, orders from my shop, book sales, a few other things we have been able to do the total that I am now needing is: 
Total Cost- $3000

Most of all thank you thank you thank you for your incredible love and prayers that continue to carry me through this journey. I am reminded by so many of you that we have a God who continues to meet us in faraway places. He is so incredibly good. Despite the hard, despite the pain, God's character never changes. Thank you for crying with me friends, rejoicing in the good, and all of your prayers that continue to help carry me each and everyday through the very difficult. You are a blessing that words can not describe, 

With Love, 
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Meet Rebecca

Meet Rebecca
author for the hopeful and adventurous heart // cozy-luxury haven living peacefully beckoning, prompted by love and full of beauty in the everyday

THE CABIN LETTERS

THE CABIN LETTERS
monthly letter club

Jardins de l'abbaye Saint-Georges de Boscherville

Jardins de l'abbaye Saint-Georges de Boscherville

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Featured

ten people who would love to find the cabin letters in their mailbox
  There are some people who are incredibly easy to shop for.  And then there are the people we love dearly who leave us completely stumped. ...

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